You keep me up all night, sometimes days. This is one of your most effective ways of hurting me, causing despair and feelings of loneliness. Instead of sitting here, discouraged with a headache, I beat you. I studied Psalm 139.
So, better and more accurately worded, God helped me whoop your insomnia curse. One hour at a time, if I must. God is with me.
Usually, I enjoy the quiet when everyone in the house has gone to bed. It’s nice as I can real quick-like freak out because of overstimulation. People talking too loud. Too much action on the tv. Accidentally reading something stressful. Just too much movement, noise and…well, chaos.
However, tonight with the sun down and everyone asleep, I feel incredibly lonely. That tends to not go all that well for me, because some crapola from my past sneaks in and floors me. Sometimes, I can sort through it using the toolbox my therapist and I built. The other times, nothing works. Tonight is just that…nothing working.
I wrote about what was bothering me, my dad long-gone and my family through him. Steps and halves. Easier to say family, even if it doesn’t feel that way 100% of the time. I’m not going to post it yet, though. I’ve learned to let it simmer and read it again the next day after some rest…figure out if I still think I should post it, or send the email, or make a call…whatever the case may be.
So, I wait…
At the end of the blog entry called Stress/Pain Cycle, I mentioned I would be doing a follow-up entry, this time coming up eith ideas to hopefully prevent, or at least manage, the cycle’s snowball effect somewhat better. I need to figure out a way to prevent the stress the initial inicident causes, such as Fibromyalgia flare-ups and increasing my back pain and arthritic pain. And oh!! The migraines! Additionally, I need to figure out, once I do find myself in the cycle, how to lessen the physical pain I am feeling.
Today the physical pain is somewhat better. That is because I avoided the root problem of what caused this latest cycle. Basically, that’s saying that I hid in my room and didn’t have interaction with my mother. However, as the day wears on, I am starting to feel more more physical pain.
Now once I have the pain, I know that I can use anti-inflammatory gel, medication that has been prescribed to me, heating pads, stretches, and mld exercise. Those things tend to help the physical pain, in addition to employing grounding exercises and prayer. Basically, if I can calm my emotional pain somewhat, then the physical pain gets better. Bottom line, after all, is that it’s all painful. I learned techniques for chronic pain relief at a pain management clinic, such as biofeedback. This part of the cycle I have a better hold on and ideas how to handle it.
The major problem I face is how to manage the stressor/trigger in the first place. This proves more difficult in that my mother, and her numerous needs, lives with me. I need to establish boundaries and try to stick to them. I also need to use the grounding techniques using all five senses and being present in the moment three times a day instead of once. Next step is to speak to my therapist because, as you can see, I need help and advice.
Have you been through similar? Any thoughts/feedback?