None of us start out this life with the idea suicide will be our end. That suicide could take on the role of friend.
Similarly, I didn’t start out today with suicidal ideation. Thinking about it, feeling tired, wishing to be problem free, wondering how few people would be at my memorial, noticing when I’m sad that I look like my dad, then I really begin to miss Dad.
I just don’t want to be here. Earlier today, I had some good thoughts going on, good plans. Something changed. Like the flipping of a light switch.
So, I’m doing some of the stuff I’m supposed to do. We practically have a checklist if we’ve been to any type of long term mental health care facility/help. We, being Bipolar.
Listening to music (changed my activity) ✔
Wishing friends well & a Happy Easter ✔
Cuddled with the cat ✔
Light exercises/stretches ✔
Checked to be sure I took my meds ✔
I don’t have many words to express what’s going on, but this blog is supposed to describe and show all sides of this blasted curse of a disease ~ Bipolar. I’m going to attach some images with info, as well as three photos depicting how I’ve changed in a matter of hours. One shows a smile. The other two show you where I am currently. I’ve got to document this…cursed thing.