Sooo Was Not the Plan (tears falling)

None of us start out this life with the idea suicide will be our end. That suicide could take on the role of friend.

Similarly, I didn’t start out today with suicidal ideation. Thinking about it, feeling tired, wishing to be problem free, wondering how few people would be at my memorial, noticing when I’m sad that I look like my dad, then I really begin to miss Dad.

I just don’t want to be here. Earlier today, I had some good thoughts going on, good plans. Something changed. Like the flipping of a light switch.

So, I’m doing some of the stuff I’m supposed to do. We practically have a checklist if we’ve been to any type of long term mental health care facility/help. We, being Bipolar.

Listening to music (changed my activity) ✔

Wishing friends well & a Happy Easter ✔

Cuddled with the cat ✔

Light exercises/stretches ✔

Checked to be sure I took my meds ✔

Art ✔

I don’t have many words to express what’s going on, but this blog is supposed to describe and show all sides of this blasted curse of a disease ~ Bipolar. I’m going to attach some images with info, as well as three photos depicting how I’ve changed in a matter of hours. One shows a smile. The other two show you where I am currently. I’ve got to document this…cursed thing.



2 thoughts on “Sooo Was Not the Plan (tears falling)

  1. Unfortunately , bipolar is one of those disorders that sneak up on us. I was feeling great the other day, by evening I felt funky….I’m sorry you are feeling badly tonight….happy Easter


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