Takes a Village, Tis True

Well, it has happened. Worse has come to worst. I’ve been sick for three weeks 🤧🤢🤒 and finally had to acquiesce, and have begun taking a Medrol Dose Pack. Now, steroids can mess up even the sanest among us, but for me it can cause some really adverse, not-so-fun reactions. So, we (family, friends and I – takes a village) are watching closely, and I am monitoring how I’m feeling both emotionally and physically. Just praying and using grounding techniques to make it through this part of my Bipolar experience, which is sometimes difficult.

Take care all, and thanks for continuing to read! xo

Fade

Here’s a thing about my Bipolar. Sometimes “difficult” times are beyond difficult, beyond dark. They are black. Though it’s not popular to say in most crowds, sometimes I would like to disappear in that blackness, that dark secret release, wash away in the current of a beautifully obscure river.

Just fade to black.

So instead, I’ve gotta cry. Find a different release for the time being.

Cries because of stress-induced migraines, sick with a virus for almost two weeks, not knowing where I’m going to be living, sleeping for a while and then nothing at all for days, chronic-physical pain that often makes me think I cannot go an inch further…not one step further…not one moment further.

The river. The black. The peace. The quiet, save the gentle sloshing of the water. All on hold.

I am not yet going home. I cry. I sob. I wail. I scream into the pillow. I beat that pillow when I see every single thing wrong splattered across that fluff.

Eventually, I feel better. I know it will come, even during the bad times, which is why I float, but do not allow myself to drown.

Bad Food, Bad!

Food-and-Mood-how-diet-affects-mental-health

What do you think? Certain foods can affect Bipolar or other mental illnesses in a negative way?

My thoughts? Why not? Sugar, fried foods – I know those worsen my arthritis and fibromyalgia. The latter is all about nerves and wrong signals in the brain, after all.

7e298a0ac619408ee886c46befc599c3--junk-food-food-networktrisha

Check out the following articles. As always, would love to hear from you.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-depression-cure/200907/dietary-sugar-and-mental-illness-surprising-link

 

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2014/01/02/food-affects-mood.aspx

 

 

 

Time and Mazes

Earlier tonight, I was concerned why I hadn’t heard from friends or family in a couple of weeks. I screamed at myself, “What did you do! Stupid! Useless!”

I looked at the dates/times of text conversations, emails, Messenger, etc. I realized I have, in fact, recently communicated with these people, the very ones I felt I had upset. The very ones I legitimately thought had not been interested in talking. As I mentioned, I approximated two weeks of no communication, not two days, which was the most amount of time had elapsed since I heard from them. Two days felt like two weeks.

I feel time creep by, and that description doesn’t do it justice. No where near close. Time can slip away from me, and quite fast. Yet during every hour of this time, every minute even, feelings and emotions are so intense and amplified, I would swear to you there are a thousand years of mazes and deep waters to work my way through just to get on to the next minute, the next hour, all the while trying to make my way through the maze.

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What’s at the end? I don’t know. I haven’t made it yet.

Times Two – x 2

Hey. So yeah, since we last spoke ~

I was up for a couple of days in a row, had a really bad fall, had to take meds for the fall, found out we are relocating due to my husband’s employer, visited the city to which we are moving, became violently ill – like a flu amped up times 5 in a weekend, kinda ill. All of that in a span of five or six days.

Now, we’re back home…or…what?…this now temporary home…that I love…that I’m leaving soon.

Damn.

Anyway, I’m overwhelmed, but I do believe that in my personal experience, it proves what I have thought to be true, at least for me. Bipolar episodes of depression, mania, or a mixed state, lead to physical ailments. Those in turn lead to mental health difficulties…cycle, round and round…all that.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bipolar-laid-bare/2016/09/bipolar-disorder-is-linked-to-chronic-pain/

A blog on pyschcentral, by LaRae LaBouff agrees.

By the way, I suffer from Fibromyalgia, Arthritis and Migraines, all mentioned in the article.

I feel too sick to expand. Just some thoughts.

Peace. ✌🙏

Addition: Since I wrote this about an hour ago, something’s been bothering me. I’ve felt unsettled. I know why now. It’s this house. House, I will miss. House I like. Not home. Home is family and love. Happiness, peace and The Lord. So, when we move, I leave a house, and move my home.