Trying but Still Yuck

Nothing much different from yesterday. I’m trying to follow the check-off list of stuff that keeps me going and eventually helps me feel better. I feel like a fraud right now, though. I don’t feel better. In fact, I’m mad I have to follow a stupid to-do list in order to feel okay. I wish Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety and all their best friends would manifest themselves into a person, vile and grotesque as it would be. Then, I would like to beat said horrendous figure until it breathes no more.

For now though, here’s my pic of today. Going to try to post a pic of what I look like and what’s going on with each blog. I think it’s important there be a visual.

20170830_184122

8/30/17 Me Today ~ notice I am still in the same shirt as yesterday’s photo/blog. That’s a vulnerable point I’ve just shared with you, but this is a truth of mine when battling mental illness. Personal grooming can become a war within yourself – I want to do it, of course, but I feel I don’t have the energy. Too fatigued.

Also, things are getting behind, such as household chores. I’m managing to keep up with bill payments, errands outside of the house, and helping my mom get her shower today. After that, my mental and physical reserves are gone, vanished and out of sight.

Pictures of my dresser where things are just landing for now, and unorganized bathroonm vanity ~

The thing I’m going to try in my bag of goodies is color, but I am not looking forward to being creative, it feels forced. Yet, I know from my history, I have to “fake it till I make it.”

So, coloring ~

20170830_194432

Peace, friends. ✌ Wishing you good mental health.

4 thoughts on “Trying but Still Yuck

  1. Love you Jen Curry!! I pray each day for you to remain strong through it all. You can make it!! I know its easy for me to say on this side of things, right? I don’t want to pretend to know what you’re going through. I just want to encourage you to stay strong and know you are loved, just the way you are, the way He made you. πŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I soooo know and can relate to what you are saying Jen. In my up and down bipolar life I have gone 7-10 days I’ll bet without a shower. It maybe stretching it, however I know I’ve gone a several days in the same clothes. I know many folks with bipolar disorder who dread showering during depressive episodes.
    Since my manic/psychotic episode in 2016, I’ve been dealing with ups and downs as we struggle to get my meds right and stress levels lowered.

    Jen, have you forgotten the massive amounts of stress you’ve dealt with lately? Your personal stress added to watching the folks in your state struggling to survive Harvey’s wrath. I think you are amazing. Your blog is courageous and inspiring. That you add selfies so much is something that I wish I could get comfortable doing. I’ve gained 40+ pounds in about nine months and hate seeing photos of me, though your comments on some post about how loved ones appreciate seeing photos of you, in all kinds of activities and that we should take the photos while we can.

    I’m praying for you this morning Jen. I know though, as your rational brain knows, that all bad times of this damned disorder will pass. You will feel happy and see joy in life’s little things, like music, audiobooks, Morning Glories, deer families and butterflies. Until then, color, write or do whatever you can, to hold on until the pendulum swings up again, because you know it will.

    ((((HUGS)))) to you my friend! πŸ’œπŸŽΌπŸ“šπŸŽ§πŸŒΈπŸ¦ŒπŸ¦‹πŸ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s