Haircut vs Personal Time

Again, I am left alone. Again!

My son just up and decides he wants a haircut and my husband just up and decides to take him. We were in the middle of watching a mystery show together. I was feeling a little better than I have been in the last few days and few weeks. I was not having any suicidal ideation and my muscles in my back and neck were feeling a little better.

And then they just decide and go. They don’t ask how I feel about it, if it’s okay, if I’m doing all right…..

I just want to go home. I have that feeling of wanting to go home. And as I’ve discussed before in this blog, feeling like I want to go home has been going on ever since I was first diagnosed with Bipolar and my psychotic breakdown in 2004.

I don’t know where that place is, the home for which I ache, because it certainly wasn’t a physical house I grew up in. I just want to go home. And I’m sad and tired and extremely angry now because I’m just ignored and disregarded.

Basically, I’m experiencing a Mixed Episode of Bipolar, and though I can hear myself and read these words that sound nonsensical, I still feel furious and hurt.

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Please, families take care of each other and love each other. Please friends extend a hand and let your friends know you’re with them and you’ll do what you can, even if it’s just listening.

Listening is a huge thing and loving gesture.

2 thoughts on “Haircut vs Personal Time

  1. I hear you Jen.

    I have a significant other. He and I have quite a complicated relationship that I won’t get into here, however at times I feel so unimportant to him. I know he loves me, however I feel like lack of communication even after an event like you described, is a mistake.
    Take some time, journal, color or whatever you can to focus your thoughts and feelings on why you felt so furious. When you can do so calmly, I’d say talk to Kirk and Steven and let them in on how you felt after they decided to leave. You know bipolar reactions/emotions are often out of whack in a mixed episode. Perhaps they sensed you were in a little better of a place than you have been lately, and decided to have some guy time? Not taking a side, if indeed there are sides. I just am writing from my heart after having read your blog.
    Hope you are feeling better? Feel free to message me if you need an ear. I’m visiting with my three sisters this weekend, and they all went to bed and I’m not wound down yet.
    πŸ’œ((((HUGS)))) πŸ’œ
    This bipolar shit isn’t for the weak of heart πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

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