Would It Help You to Fly Solo

Do you think its easier on you and your health – both physical and emotional – to live by yourself? If you’ve experienced both, maybe you have thoughts?

I wouldn’t trade my family for anything, but sometimes, I wonder if we had something like connected houses, with me down the hallway in my own wing, would that help.

I should point out, my son who is in his late teens, is also trying to manage Bipolar Disorder just like me, and that makes for an interesting dynamic, not just for he and I, but all of us in our home.

I get lonely quite a bit, so I find it difficult to describe why I think sometimes it might be smarter to live alone.

Does anybody feel me on this? Have any clue what I’m so poorly articulating?

16 thoughts on “Would It Help You to Fly Solo

  1. I’ve asked myself the same question, but cannot find an easy answer. I like beeing alone and even when my husband is home often stay in another room apart from him. But on the other hand I become really anxious when my husband is away for a longer time, e.g. a week going fishing. Then I cannot sleep, don’t get up, do not shower for days or am afraid to leave the house. I need to know somebody is near on a daily basis, otherwise I loose every orientation and my depression takes a serious turn for the worse.

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  2. I thought about it and thought back to my two marriages, living with husbands. I also remember living as an adult for about two years at a time with my mom, and then about ten years later with my sister and her husband. I would say living alone is much easier. When I want to be up all night and sleep all day now and then, no one questions me. When I get in a funk and sleep for 12-15 hours a day for several days in row, no one is bugging me to see what’s wrong.

    When I’m hypomanic, I get on some people’s nerves by talking too much…no worries living alone. When I’m depressed and wear the same clothes for several days in a row without showering…again no one to prod me or make me feel guilty.

    On the other hand…when I’m feeling level and generally “normal” there is no one to cook for, no one to watch tv with or to talk to. So basically, if given a choice with the folks I have in my life right now…I’d choose to live alone over living with any of them. I guess different wings of a house, or an on the same property guest house would be fine too.

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  3. I can so relate to Gina’s response about the being hypomanic and blabbing away. Sometimes I feel like I’m bugging my husband. He’s bipolar too, although he’s rapid cycling. I’m more level but at times it’s challenging. How is the dynamic w your son? Do you find the same thing where you think you can disagree w another bipolar in the house? I dunno, sometimes I wonder if I should’ve thought things out better. Then again hubby has other issues besides bipolar so my situation is different. Sorry I rambled on, I guess your not alone in your thinking it seems.

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  4. I was in a bad marriage for 27 years. When I finally left I came to live with my sister and sister in law and nephew and a roommate. I like being unmarried. Whenever I want to I can go to my room and sit on the bed and read or watch TV… be alone. However, I also like to be around my family too. The point I’m trying to make is that I need my alone time. My BP is pretty stable and I think one reason is that I got out of that marriage. No more of those awful triggers. I think having more control of my life has really helped me.

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  5. i like having my own space, but i do sometimes get lonely and wish i had someone to snuggle with/cook for/etc. but i think on the whole i’m healthier alone. a partner in a separate wing would be good – nice to visit, but i don’t want to live with you. or someone who has their own apartment and we can both visit when we like – enjoying our own space, but having the ability to choose to be together when we so desire. that’d be ideal.

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  6. I’ve been diagnosed for nearly 18 months now. When I got diagnosed I lived with my fiancé, within six months the relationship was over. I had to move back home with my mum and younger sisters. I couldn’t do it.

    I love my family endlessly but I couldn’t sleep the way I needed to. I couldn’t have the quiet I was able to take advantage of when I needed to. I started to get physically unwell from such a change in routine: colds, stomach bugs, headaches etc. I was far more irritable because of this mixture. I was stressed at the huge change! I had lived with my partner for almost two years and although he didn’t fully understand, he tried, I was able to express myself when I needed to in whatever avenue.

    Whilst back ‘home’ at my mums, my alcohol consumption increased, my medication increased. All of this just for three weeks. It sounds dramatic but it was a very unstable time for me in myself, let alone my ended relationship, job relocation and the debt I was left with! I can tell you from my personal experience – and believe me, my mum suffered anxiety and panic attacks of her own without my condition too – as soon as I found myself a new place, a house share nearby, I felt a huge weight release and I mentally went into recovery mode.

    I had that space back of my own, my bedroom. I need that in my life. When I’m down or struggling, I nap. I wake up with a new perspective on everything; Mood, solution, mental vision. My recommendation is that living alone or at least with a dedicated space to have to yourself when YOU need it, is king. Come in or out when you want, live without feeling like you’re pussyfooted around or becoming a burden, but not so alone that if you spiral all the way down, no one would notice – contrary to what you think.

    That’s my opinion. Hope it helps. CNM.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, I 100% hear, understand and thank you. You’ll get what I’m about to say. When my family has the a/c turned off, or heater on, I’m much more prone to anxiety and bad feelings. And sleep! Yes! Thank you for saying that. That’s my biggest issue. Since I wrote this, I’ve been working on a list of how I can have more time alone, that doesn’t always include me having to leave my home.

      I’m going to read what you wrote hear, aloud to them. Show them I’m not being overly dramatic. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Great question!! I have the answer for me. I have had 3 partners (I am 57) in my life. I have been single for 6 years. Bipolar sucks with or w/o a partner, so I am single with less headaches

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  8. I have experienced both and living alone wins hands down every time. I guess that i am lucky in that i have a partner who lives three hours away so seeing each other every couple of weeks works out very well. I prefer him to come here because i have no tv, radio or anything really that makes noise. too much noise with fibro actually makes me physically nauseous and that is difficult for a ‘normie’ to understand. when alone i can put a thing down and it will remain exactly as i left it. if there is a mess i don’t mind cleaning it up because i have made it myself and I can choose when to tidy and clean without judgement if i am unable to do anything for days/weeks/months. If it gets really bad I have the freedom to pay someone to come in and clean up for me every now and then also without judgement. All three of my children have moved back home at various times when they needed to and god did i heave a major sigh of relief at having my peace back and nobody questioning what i do or how i live my life, saving my ‘spoons’ for when i need them. also difficult for ‘normies’ to understand.the advantage of having a partner is also that if we really need each other we are there immediately. i had a carcinoma surgery on my leg last week and wolfgang drove me to the hospital and then took me back to his place and looked after me for three/four days. by yesterday I had enough and struggled with the long drive home, collecting my dog on the way. now I am glad i did it because i just love having my own space and no damn TV. also when i can’t sleep which is often , if on my own I can just switch on the light, drink coffee from my flask and go online or something. with wolfgang i lie awake beside him disturbed by his snoring every time he turns on his back and i don’t want to wake him with the light. with the fibro pain being so severe the only place i can be as comfortable as possible is on my bed so I can’t just leave the room. I dont know if this helped in any way because i kind of have the best of both worlds but i also have always thought that houses side by side would be a much better idea and save many marriages rather than living in the one house!

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