Not Enough Spoons

So yeah, this is what happens when I have too much to do in one day, or when I allow myself to be pushed, even though I know I shouldn’t take on the heavy load I did. I have Bipolar Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Insomnia (those are the three major mental health diagnoses). I also have severe chronic pain due to breaks and surgeries, which led to arthritis, nerve pain, etc. I also have fibromyalgia. I could very easily, according to how I feel and according to several different doctors, take it easier on myself than I do. Not be up and doing as much. Use a cane or walker. Be counted out as far as chores in the house, and outside of the home, things like school meetings and events. Mainly, right now, it’s fallen to me to be a caretaker to my mom who has a dropfoot and fused lower back that is causing her pain, for two years now, whereas I’ve had my back issues and eventual fusion for 20 years now. Yet, I’m still expected to handle things because I’ve not resigned myself to an in-home hospital bed and wheelchair. But I’m going to be in one very soon, if something doesn’t give. I am so, so tired, and I don’t now how to erect boundaries towards my immediate family and say I can’t help as much; then later look happier than I do now because I’m able to rest more and feel better. This has happened before, and I’m looked at like, “Why can’t you help me, you’re doing great over there?” Well, I look well because I’m able to take care of myself for once and am not emotionally miserable and in physical agony. I’ve tried explaining the “spoon theory” to immediate family as a way to visually show how I’m being run down and pushed past my limit. Either it’s not understood and comprehended, or, as they see it, not their concern.


*Trying to look like I’m feeling well and happy…*


Read up on spoon theory below. Thanks for stopping by my blog. Blessings.