The Secret Scripture

The Secret Scripture ~ March 19, 2018

So, yeah. Two things after watching The Secret Scripture with Rooney Mara, Theo James, Eric Bana and Vanessa Redgrave.

1. Glad I wasn’t a woman in early WWII.

2. Glad I wasn’t a Bipolar woman in early WWII.

The movie premiered two years ago (2016) and the book was written and on shelves in 2008, so I’m thinking I’m good to go ahead and say what I want here, but I guess just to be sure ~ spoiler alert.


I am thankful I live in a time when women are treated better. I know there are still lots of #metoo type issues going on, but back in the early 40’s, a woman could be committed to a psychiatric facility by a man, not only in hopes of receiving genuine medical help, but also as punishment, or as a means of manipulation. But the character in the book would have none of it, continually repeating to herself,

“My name is Rose McNulty. I did not kill my child.”

She kept notes in her Bible in order not to forget her husband, her child, herself and the truth.

The other horrific moments she repeated those facts to herself was when she was about to undergo ECT treatments. Mind you, she didn’t really even need such drastic measures, but it was a way of controlling her. Some people did and still do require ECT. Back then, you’d be zapped and convulse for far too long, her character usually reacted to the volts for five minutes, only as a means of punishment. However, even if she had indeed suffered from Bipolar, the art of ECT was nowhere near perfected.

Maybe it’s still not perfected as I write this is 2018, but it’s much better, and many patients, along with their doctors, use it as a means of helping control Schizophrenia, Bipolar and Severe Depression. Now days, you receive anesthesia and a drug that relaxes your muscles. Electrodes are placed on your temples, and you receive a quick current. You wake a bit later, usually remembering nothing. You could possibly be confused for a bit afterwards. So, it’s effective for some, though many still lose memories. It would be my absolute last choice, but for those that it helps, that’s wonderful.

I’m probably scared of it because of movies depicting a severely screwed up Jack Nicholson flying over the cuckoo’s nest, and this book and movie, The Secret Scripture.

Jack Nicholson

Anyway, I still recommend Secret Scripture, by the way. It’s wonderful. Even with the sadness, there is beauty throughout, which is much like life, I think. Stellar acting. Top marks all around.

But yeah, I’m so glad to be a woman today, and I thank those who came before me and endured what they did in order that I may go to the voting polls and that women who are abused can receive justice, not just have their truths tossed aside.

votes for women

And I’m darn glad ECT is much more effective and safe now, and that it’s a choice for me, not a punishment, or something used as unnecessary treatment when a Lithium pill could solve the matter.



BP Thorns

BP Thorns ~ 3.16.18 ~

So, I read someone else’s FB post, and it got my mind spinning.


I think it was about our trials in life actually being a gift from God, and if I understood the writer, some events are basically engineered by God to lead us back to Him. To rely on Him.

I just wanted to hear some replies about that if you’re a Believer. Most pointedly, I’d like to ask if you believe Bipolar, or any other mental illness, or even physical chronic pain, is something in your life because God wants to draw you closer to Him. To lean in, as the writer of the post often says. And does He engineer it, or just allow it?

Me? I think there is sin, hate and illness in this world because we are allowed free will and man is corrupt. I don’t think he said, “Tag, Jen! You’re it with the Bipolar!” But because there is suffering, I think He expects me to use that to feel His love. Considering Paul, ship-wrecked, beaten, stoned, and carrying a thorn in his side. I guess if Paul can make his way through that and write several books for the Bible (the most in the New Testament) then I can endure what is going on in my life. Even more importantly, if Jesus sweat blood in The Garden of Gethsemane, so dreading and fearful of his betrayal, flogging and crucifixion, then I can handle the occasional hallucination, no?

I’m wondering if anyone has suffered doubt or anger towards God because you agree with me, that this might be the thorn in our sides, that we need to lean in more to God, and that you ultimately think that it’s bull to be put through this kind of thing from He who is supposed to be a loving, caring, generous God. I admit I have battled with those feelings when I’ve been down deep and dark in those depressive prisons, when and where I feel Satan and his demons take advantage.

I hurt every day. Physically, but moreso mentally and emotionally. Every day. But every day, I know there is Jesus with me, and that one day all of this will fall away. Thank God. I can’t even imagine and am certainly not worthy. But one day.