BP Thorns

BP Thorns ~ 3.16.18 ~

So, I read someone else’s FB post, and it got my mind spinning.


I think it was about our trials in life actually being a gift from God, and if I understood the writer, some events are basically engineered by God to lead us back to Him. To rely on Him.

I just wanted to hear some replies about that if you’re a Believer. Most pointedly, I’d like to ask if you believe Bipolar, or any other mental illness, or even physical chronic pain, is something in your life because God wants to draw you closer to Him. To lean in, as the writer of the post often says. And does He engineer it, or just allow it?

Me? I think there is sin, hate and illness in this world because we are allowed free will and man is corrupt. I don’t think he said, “Tag, Jen! You’re it with the Bipolar!” But because there is suffering, I think He expects me to use that to feel His love. Considering Paul, ship-wrecked, beaten, stoned, and carrying a thorn in his side. I guess if Paul can make his way through that and write several books for the Bible (the most in the New Testament) then I can endure what is going on in my life. Even more importantly, if Jesus sweat blood in The Garden of Gethsemane, so dreading and fearful of his betrayal, flogging and crucifixion, then I can handle the occasional hallucination, no?

I’m wondering if anyone has suffered doubt or anger towards God because you agree with me, that this might be the thorn in our sides, that we need to lean in more to God, and that you ultimately think that it’s bull to be put through this kind of thing from He who is supposed to be a loving, caring, generous God. I admit I have battled with those feelings when I’ve been down deep and dark in those depressive prisons, when and where I feel Satan and his demons take advantage.

I hurt every day. Physically, but moreso mentally and emotionally. Every day. But every day, I know there is Jesus with me, and that one day all of this will fall away. Thank God. I can’t even imagine and am certainly not worthy. But one day.


19 thoughts on “BP Thorns

  1. jen first of all I have to say I am not a God person and I certainly don’t believe that a loving god would allow all the suffering of good people in this crazy world. you for example are a wonderful, caring, beautiful, kind human being who takes care not only of her own family but reaches out to help as many other people as you possibly can in a wonderfully gentle way. how could you possibly think yourself unworthy? you should be getting awards and gold medals but you won’t because these altruistic things are not rewarded and perhaps will be when you meet your god. the teachings of jesus christ were not those of the old testament which were archaic and full of retribution and punishment, hell fire and brimstone. the gospels and the teachings of christ and all the parables are all about love and kindness and the two golden rules of ‘do unto others as you would have done to yourself’ and ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’. christ only ever spoke of healing and love and he died for the sins of mankind so you don’t have to carry that burden. I see and meet evil every day of my life and it flourishes and gets rich and lives happy lives without sanction. My very violent father died thinking he had lived a good life because he prayed every day and went to mass every day and was up on the altar with the priests at every opportunity but he was a product of his generation an knew no better. I also think he had an undiagnosed mood disorder so who is to say how much blame can fall on him. i know I am rambling but i truly do not believe that a loving god would show that love in any way shape or form by punishing or hurting people and i believe that your god sends you ease in the reprieve that you get in the joy of stephen’s phootos, your own beautiful art, your vital contributions to people’s lives with your insights and writings. I also believe that we have all met each other for a reason as yet unknown, perhaps already fulfilled but this particular group of us were meant to meet in this exchange of shared lives and values and to remind each other from time to time of the healing power in the beauty of a warm summer’s day that can make you forget everything for a precious moment. all those happy moments between you and debbie, robyn, deborah, marlene, richard, moira, deanna, tara, tanya, ellie, michael, bobbie and everyone else i have forgotten including almost myslef makes a lot of good energy floating around between us helping us all when needed. now that very well might be your god at work.

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  2. Not one day of my Christian walk has been easy. From the very first days, I was hit with troubles that would crush other people. I have endured so much. And yet I have not lost faith. Paul and Job are perfect examples of trials and tribulations bring us closer to God. Does God orchestrate these events ? Some I believe are a result of our own sin, and we always reap the sting of sin…but with the grace of Jesus , we can and do overcome. I have wandered off the narrow path, I will admit. But deep in my spirit and soul, God would not let go of me . He stayed faithful, even when I was not ……IF my walk had been an easy peasy walk, would I have the faith I have now ? Would I be in a place where I know I can rely on Jesus ? I think not….so, if you have trials and tribulations…PRAISE GOD IN ALL THINGS !

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  3. I’m going to copy/paste an email “Day in the Word” by Sandi Brown of FM Joy 99.1 in St Louis. –
    “You know the one person in scripture that I can really identify with? Doubting Thomas. Ha! All the heroes of the faith and you’re known for your doubt?! But I’m so thankful that the story is not really about Thomas’ doubt, but about how Jesus met him there. He’ll do the same for you and me. Jesus allowed Thomas to touch his wounds and his scars and then, by sight, Thomas said, “I believe.” I think God would want us to know two things about doubt today, if you struggle with it. One…He gets it. He’s patient with you when you doubt. Like Thomas, He’ll probably step right into that doubt and help you navigate through it. And, secondly, If you can believe, even in the midst of doubt, there’s a blessing. John 20:27 says, “Stop doubting and believe, because blessed are those of you who have not seen, and yet believe.” We may wrestle with doubt, but when we choose to believe, even in the midst of it, there’s the blessing.“

    I so get the anger and questioning of God’s wisdom when I’m deeply depressed or in severe pain, however I feel Satan is the voice of anger that comes in my mind to try to make me turn from God.

    I do believe Bipolar is a gift rather than a curse. It allows God to work thru me for his good. I know God works thru you Jen. Your example of devotion to family and faith have been an inspiration to me for years. The blog is yet another way you work together with God for our good. 💜😊✝️

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    1. I appreciate all that you’ve said and shared. So kind of you. And yes, I’d thought of doubting Thomas. Good to bring up.

      I don’t see ever being able to say Bipolar is a gift, though. Ever.


  4. I don’t believe BP is a “gift” from God. I think God allows us to be tempted by the devil as Job was, but I don’t believe He gave me BP. I think my MI is just a result of the Fall. I don’t think God makes us sick. We just are. He is there to help us through it, no matter what the illness is. Some day there won’t be any sickness and that will be a glorious day.

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  5. Perhaps I should clarify/rephrase? By gift I don’t see this horrible disease as this gift, but rather my life lived as the gift. The disease sucks big ones, however because I and all of us living with Bipolar are touching so many folks we don’t even realize, I feel that is a gift. I have seen and been so inspired by folks suffering from, yet persevering despite cancer, deformity, blindness, etc. They are a gift to me, inspiring me to find thanks and gratitude in any situation. Hope that makes more sense. Bipolar is a gift I would not regift to my worst enemy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. While there is never a need for you to feel as though you must clarify your comments here, I am glad you said what you needed to say. I understood all comments, both replies. Gift you wouldn’t regift your worst enemy. Clever. Wish I’d thought of that.


  6. I am finding sleep escapes me yet again this night. I picked up my Women’s Devotional Bible and flipped it open randomly and found a devotion entitled “Growing in Wisdom” by Rosemary Jenson. She referred to the book – 1 James. I read verses 1:2-18. I thought it a pleasant coincidence that it spoke to me and helped me tonight.

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  7. In my opinion, anything which enables us, propels us, creates reason for us to draw closer to and rely on God has an element of being a “gift”. Perhaps the wording of that will not set right with you, but I believe we are on the same page anyway.
    It’s the classic expression of what scripture says when it said “what Satan meant for evil, God meant for good.” The enemy has been given dominion over much of this earthly life and I believe he uses every tool he can get to attempt to cause us to want to curse God rather than bless Him and trust Him.
    I do not have BP so I absolutely cannot speak to that. I have been through some serious bouts of depression where I spent days in a dark closet and my heart and mind ached as though it would rupture from my being.
    So, was that a “gift from God”? No, I don’t think so, however I do believe it was a part of what has drawn me nearer to Him to rely on the promises of His unfailing love and faithfulness even when I am too weak to draw to Him.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree that we’re probably on the same page. There’s nothing you’ve written that doesn’t set well with me. I began a discussion. I expected and hoped to have a discussion, even if there are varying opinions. ❤✌


  8. I was told its a blessing but I dont always agree. Its not about being a God / non-God person – its about how you end up living your life, hopefully to your fullest potential, whatever that may be. In my experience, its a beautiful curse, which can be changed in how you live your life. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I feel a lot of disappointment and anger towards God right now because of my multiple hospitalizations. I feel like I’m not getting better and I’m turning away from him to seek other forms of healing that come from Buddhist roots such as yoga. I know trials are to build character but how many more times can I survive the hospital?

    Liked by 1 person

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