Thinking About Dad

I’ve been thinking about Dad.

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For years, I’ve heard friends talking about their dads attending their high school graduation and walking the brides down the aisle. I’ve listened to stories about how much dads love their grandchildren.

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This and so much more wasn’t in the cards for me, as I was only 15 years old when he died.

On top of that, I heard some disturbing things about him after his death, which I now question. Not certain I believe what I heard based upon the source and that person’s past. Or maybe I just want and need to believe that person lied to me.

So, I’m left with a lot of questions. I was also thinking about what I did in the days, weeks and months after he died. How did I cope? Because I know I certainly didn’t cry much. Had I, I think I would have never stopped. So, I threw myself into sports and listened to a ton of music. One song I repeated over and over was Cold November Rain by Guns N’ Roses. I could probably sing you every lyric from memory. Like right now, if you’d so wish.

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So yeah, anyway, where am I going with this? Well, it’s more of a rambling tonight, I guess. I did realize a connection between my 15 year old self and my 42 year old self. Both of us turn(ed) to music and physical activity (even though mine is limited now due to health conditions). And I suppose that’s a good way of coping. And I’m learning to forgive, as well as asking to be forgiven. I find it a shame that so often it’s easier to forgive once the person has passed away.

Thanks for listening. Take care of yourselves and each other. ✌🙏💛

Hug your Dad. 💙

7 thoughts on “Thinking About Dad

  1. I was a “Daddy’s Girl” I was first born…. I have typed and erased several times. I can’t focus on exactly what I want to say. Only that I am sorry you lost your dad so young. As for what you have heard … leave it behind you. The important thing is that you remember him as YOUR DAD

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I lost my dad when I was 22. Ten days before my wedding in October 1988. He had been in the hospital suffering for about 3-4 months before he passed away. I feel your pain while reading your blog post. I don’t have great words of wisdom to share I’m sorry to say…I am though truly sorry you lost your dad before he could see what a strong and talented woman you turned out to be. 💜((((HUGS))))💜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Will definitely hug Daddy when next I see him. I know you’ve been struggling with conflicting stories/memories/thoughts. I think one thing to keep in mind – at the heart of it, for all his flaws and failings, your dad loved you. That’s never going to change. Love is eternal and everlasting. You will have that love forever. And it may be little comfort or consolation. It’s something to remember and consider during those hard times.

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  4. Will definitely hug Daddy when next I see him. I know you’ve been struggling with conflicting stories/memories/thoughts. I think one thing to keep in mind – at the heart of it, for all his flaws and failings, your dad loved you. That’s never going to change. Love is eternal and everlasting. You will have that love forever. And it may be little comfort or consolation. It’s something to remember and consider during those hard times.

    Liked by 1 person

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