Month: April 2019
Grrr
4.25.19 ~ Grrr
I’m gonna have a chocolate or two. 🍬 It’s been a trying day.
What do you guys do when you’ve had enough for the day?
Some days are just frustrating and grrr’ish. I’ve hit my grrr level for the day, Lol! 😆 Gonna escape and listen to a book. 🎧📚
How about you?
📸: Dray-Gon deviantart
Do You Feel As Though You Have Helped
4.23.19 blog entry ~
Question: Do any of you reading, any who have mental health issues or chronically ill physical ailments, do you feel as though you’ve helped someone else suffering with something similar? Do you feel you’ve been encouraging? That you’ve helped others?
If so, how? How did you help comfort them? Reach them? Maybe even talk them down off of that proverbial ledge?
Just a thought that passed through my mind, so I thought I’d reach out and ask.
Take care of and love yourself and others.
Photo Credit: Google Images
My Easter, How About Yours
4.22.19 blog entry ~ Easter
Hey, guys. How are we? Holidays can be full of varying emotions. Everyone make it through okay? Anyone need to talk?
I messed up. I did a lot of physical household chores, and then computer help for my mom, stuff like that. Did this Friday and Saturday. I was feeling hypomanic, so I took advantage of the energy and got stuff done, but Sunday morning, I couldn’t attend Easter services, and that bummed me. I was physically hurting too much, and in the three days prior, combined total I had four hours sleep. However, we watched The Passion of the Christ at home, and I sobbed. We prayed. I managed to make Easter lunch – pasta. Lol.
Today, I’m trying not to fall into full-on dysphoric mania. I’ve been quite close, because I feel so much rage and want to smash something. Therefore, I purposefully tried slowing myself down with calming strategies and PRN anxiety meds. I’m pleased to report everyone in my home still has their heads intact. Yay for small miracles.
I will mention, I tried connecting with my supposed best friend of years and my sister, and neither replied. Again. Just give up, Jen! They didn’t care when I was in the hospital, or when I sent them images of my son’s graduation photos, which hurt me dearly. (Especially the latter.) I’ve tried so many times, but they flat ignore me. I want to send them each a message. However, I do not want to send something in this mood and possibly later regret it. So, I’ll reassess later. Maybe have a friend read it before I send it. Sometimes though, I feel like this is the mood in which I’m most honest and not trying to sugarcoat things and make the necessary excuses for them.
So yeah, I had a lovely Easter with my family, and I even went to a shop in town on Saturday and picked up a few comics on sale and talked to the owners about the SA Comic Con. That was really cool.
But I will have to eventually send the two ladies I was talking about a letter listing my hurt feelings but offering forgiveness and wishing well being, just so that I can gain the closure I need. Closure and the act of letting go can be cathartic.
Maybe I could write the letters and not send them.
Overall, I’m good.
Off subject, you guys gonna see Avengers Endgame this weekend?
Love you all. Take care. ✌
📸: Google images
Back Home
4.18.19 blog entry ~ Back Home
So, I’m feeling some better. I have a bit more energy, and I feel…well, I almost feel…like things are more manageable. That is definitely not something I believed a day or two ago. I guess going to the hospital with symptoms mirroring heart issues and being admitted to the hospital, coupled with the likes of nitro and potassium, would rock me to my core. My own dad died of his third heart attack at the age of 44, after all. I’m 42. And his dad died of the same issue at age 47. So, I went, I saw, and was stuck with tons of needles, underwent many tests, and lived to tell the tale. My heart is healthy. I’m stunned. Based on family history and medications alone, never mind our poor diet since I’m not able to cook all the time. But hey, a win is a win!
I’m home now, but I am still experiencing the same pain. That part makes me angry.
I’m tired of physical and mental ailments. “Sick and Tired” – perfect description. Just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other, I suppose.
A friend told me I’m an inspiration to her because, “You keep going, love.” Eh. To which I replied that I just continue breathing because of these sorts of invisible life support machines that won’t let me go. A large part of me still believes that, but I’m starting to come back round and count my blessings. Tonight, I even enjoyed watching and smelling rain and freshly cut grass. That was a nice Reset Button, if you will. I’ve been listening to my favorite playlists via Amazon Music – performers such as Halsey, Bruce Springsteen and Billie Eilish, and watching whatculture on youtube. I just love that channel with its discussion of films, comic books and gaming. And heck, I’m writing this, and I’ve chosen a new book to read. Those are good indicators of my better moods. Anything like that, as well as creating craft décor and reading/writing poetry are significant and usually mean good things, even if my poetry reads as “dark.”
Anyway, I’m managing. How are you guys? Anything new? Anything you need or want to share?
Take care of yourself, and when you can, each other.
(photo credit: guysandgoodhealth)
Study
Twelve Year Study, bphope article.
(📸 bphope.com)
After Searching 12 Years for Bipolar Disorder’s Cause, Team Concludes It Has Many