I Might Have Punched Him

4.10.19 blog entry


So, I have internet access again. I’m outta food, though. I mean, my son has food, so no worries there. I’m in tremendous pain. Congestion in my chest, I guess, and maybe a little anxiety, too. Additionally, my right side and wrap around to right muscle in my upper and middle back is making it hard to breathe. I think I will see the doctor soon, and I’m having some sort of something that might need my psychiatrist’s input. Some sort of weird lucid dream/dissociation crossover thing.


Weird thing, last night after a spell of it, I journaled that I just wished these problems could take the form of a person so I might punch him/her. And today, we wake to my husband having a black eye. So….. 😶

Anyway, I’m choosing to be vulnerable here to share what this disease encompasses and creates sometimes, and also to simply explain where I’ve been. I’ll attach a photo of myself because I’ve always said this blog will show the good, bad and all the crap and shades of gray in between.


I’m better than I sound, and my husband knows about this. There’s a plan in place. I’ll update soon and hopefully share that I’m feeling better. Take care of yourselves and each other, as always. ✌💛

10 thoughts on “I Might Have Punched Him

    1. I really don’t think I’m Borderline, based on previous talks with my doctor and knowing people who are. I don’t think I’m DID, either. However, I might occasionally experience dissociation when extremely depressed or extremely manic.


    1. I hear you about the manic rage. I’m not in an episode like that right now, plus he and I discussed it and didn’t understand how I could do it and not cut him with my rings. We thought about the cat jumping up on him. Sometimes, he jumps up on the bed and jumps on my husband’s chest, but again, if the cat jumped on him, wouldn’t there be nail scratches. My husband has night terrors. I think he accidentally gave himself a punch. Bizarre. Lol!


  1. Jen,
    I can’t say I know much about or really anything about dissociation…I’ll have to look it up. I have never met you in person, however after almost 10 years of interacting with you online, borderline personality disorder never crossed my mind where you are concerned.

    What jumped out at me, as a retired Physical Therapist, is the physical pain you described. I wonder, have you ever seen a chiropractor? I forgot if you have or if Ive asked you that before? It sounds like you may have a rib/facet joint out of alignment?? I don’t recommend just any chiropractor but a really good one. I know I’ve mention MyofascialRelease.com. John Barnes is a Physical Therapist I’ve trained with and he is flat out amazing. I won’t go on and on here, feel free to pm me if you want more info. I’ve seen miraculous medical/physical condition turnarounds in friends and in myself personally after being treated by a John Barnes trained specialist. I would LOVE to see you get any measure of relief you could from your physical pain.

    Love the bar fight story! 😉😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve had people suggest chiropractors. Thank you for the suggestion. After three back surgeries, I’ve had two surgeons and several physical therapists tell me not to see a chiropractor because of the fusion and all the titanium in my back.

      What about acupuncture or acupressure?


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