4.22.19 blog entry ~ Easter
Hey, guys. How are we? Holidays can be full of varying emotions. Everyone make it through okay? Anyone need to talk?
I messed up. I did a lot of physical household chores, and then computer help for my mom, stuff like that. Did this Friday and Saturday. I was feeling hypomanic, so I took advantage of the energy and got stuff done, but Sunday morning, I couldn’t attend Easter services, and that bummed me. I was physically hurting too much, and in the three days prior, combined total I had four hours sleep. However, we watched The Passion of the Christ at home, and I sobbed. We prayed. I managed to make Easter lunch – pasta. Lol.
Today, I’m trying not to fall into full-on dysphoric mania. I’ve been quite close, because I feel so much rage and want to smash something. Therefore, I purposefully tried slowing myself down with calming strategies and PRN anxiety meds. I’m pleased to report everyone in my home still has their heads intact. Yay for small miracles.
I will mention, I tried connecting with my supposed best friend of years and my sister, and neither replied. Again. Just give up, Jen! They didn’t care when I was in the hospital, or when I sent them images of my son’s graduation photos, which hurt me dearly. (Especially the latter.) I’ve tried so many times, but they flat ignore me. I want to send them each a message. However, I do not want to send something in this mood and possibly later regret it. So, I’ll reassess later. Maybe have a friend read it before I send it. Sometimes though, I feel like this is the mood in which I’m most honest and not trying to sugarcoat things and make the necessary excuses for them.
So yeah, I had a lovely Easter with my family, and I even went to a shop in town on Saturday and picked up a few comics on sale and talked to the owners about the SA Comic Con. That was really cool.
But I will have to eventually send the two ladies I was talking about a letter listing my hurt feelings but offering forgiveness and wishing well being, just so that I can gain the closure I need. Closure and the act of letting go can be cathartic.
Maybe I could write the letters and not send them.
Overall, I’m good.
Off subject, you guys gonna see Avengers Endgame this weekend?
Love you all. Take care. ✌