12.16.18 blog entry It Is Time
It tries to escape my eyes in the form of tears. It tries to escape my mouth as a scream. It tries to escape my body as blood. But I have yet to release this demon.
For years, I could not. I had no choice. Now, in this battered, bruised, broken shell, I need to sob. I need to wail. I need to help this cracked patchwork body heal. It is time to finally grieve for what was done to my son.
Yes, we are here now. He is doing well. Feeling well. He actively works to maintain a healthy mental and physical state; whereas, I suffer because for so long I had to be brave in front of him. He is a remarkable young man now and an excellent photographer. And I need to let fly – my fists pounding pillows and my throat screaming at the bottom pools.
It is time to process. To feel. And I’m scared to death.
12.16.18 blog entry My Sister’s Birthday
Today is my sister’s birthday.
However, she won’t speak with me these days. Long story with plenty of mistakes made by all, but bottom line, I hope she had a lovely day. She recently suffered a tremendous loss. Anyway, I pray she is well. 🙏💙
12.14.18 blog entry
Watching an HBO documentary called Out of Mind, Out of Sight. It is about mentally ill patients who have committed some sort of crime and are now in Forensic Psychiatric Hospitals. (These were once called Asylums for the Criminally Insane.) They interview patients and staff, get into stories of how these folks ended up where they are, and how some patients have even gone missing or been killed in these type settings. It’s a must watch because mental illness and the justice system are a community issue, not just that family’s down the Street problem.
And for myself, mentally ill as I am, it scares me that I could end up in such a place. Does that ever scare y’all?
12.12.18 blog entry
Three Things I Don’t Like About Bipolar
1. Losing my memory.
2. Wait… what was I saying? 😶
3. Sorry, what now?
Few things that have brought smiles to my face as of late. Christmas decorations and online relaxing coloring. Those wreaths are homemade.
And look at the beautiful deer!
Anyway, what is making you smile these days? 🎄☃️🦌
12.6.18 blog entry.
Hello, everyone. Hope you are well. I’m feeling quiet these days. I’m not depressed…I don’t think so, anyway. I am certainly struggling with chronic pain and illness, but I’m getting through it. My son has really stepped up and is helping us quite a bit.
Looking forward to Christmas. We’re thinking Mexican food.
Does anyone else do something that’s not exactly traditional for Christmas Day Meal?
We usually open gifts Christmas Eve night, attend a church service, and then on Christmas Day have tacos, taquitos, chips & salsa (you get the idea) and then hit a movie or two. Anyone have a film recommendation?
Holidays can often times be very difficult for those of us with mental illness. How are you guys doing?
Take care of yourselves and each other. 🎅🙏❤💚🎄🌮🌯
11.28.18 blog entry ~ Oh What a Difference
Twenty-four hours ago I thought I would get nothing accomplished today and just prayed I would be able to get out of bed this morning. I was dealing with depression, anxiety and paranoia was trying to set up shop in my mind. Today, a totally different person. This version got things done, got above and beyond bonus type stuff done and feels well.
With Bipolar, I always know what goes up must come down and all that jazz. I know 24 hours can make all the difference, and oh, what a difference…problem being that it cuts both ways.
I get done what I can on the good days and take the win.
Take care of yourselves and each other. ✌💛🙏💙
(Photo credit: Google images Health Magazine)