Courage, for it is not just a female issue.
Terry Crews, Part Of Time’s ‘Silence Breakers’ Files Sexual Assault Lawsuit
Shared from my Google feed
Courage, for it is not just a female issue.
Terry Crews, Part Of Time’s ‘Silence Breakers’ Files Sexual Assault Lawsuit
Shared from my Google feed
Interesting article about time-out’s and how it could affect your emotions and mood.
For me, I either desperately need time alone and no noise, or I am so lonely and need interaction in person, online, etc.
I think, as with most things in life, it’s all about balance. Finding balance can be tricky, though, especially if you live in extremes. And if I only had one sentence to describe Bipolar, I would say it is all about existing in one extreme state, or its opposite.
Enjoy and be well, guys. ✌
Feeling like I’m slipping. I’ve not yet tanked, but I can see it coming. I’m running scared because I’ve got a long list of to-do’s and though I know rationally I can handle these things, they seem overwhelming. Overwhelming to the point I want to hide. I don’t want to wake up. This photo below is of my dad, he was only three years older than I am now, and this was a couple of weeks before he died.
We both look so tired. His birthday was Dec 3, and I have recently found out a lot of conflicting things about him. What am I supposed to do, call him up and ask why he did some crappy things he did?
I’m ill. Like really bad off kind of ill. Physically sick with odd and new symptoms, and I feel so down and sad in a dark pit. Not sure which came first.
All I know for certain is I’m in that snowball-effect, and you know what they say about a snowball’s chance in hell.
Today, I was happy.
I felt thankful. I felt glad to serve my family a good meal. I was overjoyed to hear music, laughter, conversation, and a beautiful blessing at lunch said by my son. I felt very little physical pain. I was not anxious.
This has been such a glorious and blessed day, and I thank God. I forgot what this felt like.
I have been smacking this button all day, but nope.
I still feel like my battery is 100% out in the next few seconds. If I could sleep, that wouldn’t be a big deal, but you know…
Hit a truck today (nudged it, no damage), lost my wedding ring, still so much to do for Thanksgiving/Mom’s birthday, severe back and neck pain.
Just yuck. I want to cry and give in.
Sometimes, I believe that’s perfectly acceptable and healthy. For me, I’ve also found there are times when I can’t give in and sob, maybe because it would take too long to recover?? I will have to think about how to better describe that.
Love & Peace to you all. Xo
Another excellent share.
Raising mentally healthy kids, super important for the kiddo, your family & community/society.
I have Bipolar (and more) as does my son. I agree with what this article has to say, and try to follow it.
Sharing an excellent blog entry and poem from psychcentral, John Kaniecki.
Ever feel like you need one of these?
Personally, I would love to smack one of these things. I’m so good at fooling myself until it’s in my face and no denial of it.
I believe you said goodbye with the faintest of a whisper so that I could not reply, even with a silent tear.
I now say, I love you and be well. xo
No. Absolutely not.
My opinion for myself and my welfare, as well as my son’s. I spoke to my 18 year old son, he was adamant with his opposition, as well as a friend of mine.
Compliance? I fear that equals control measures. Do I want to be tracked? Do I want to be tied to my doctor, insurance, Medicare and big pharma about my compliance? About suggested medication? No.
I welcome any thoughts, even polite debate. Polite though, please.
Below: 18 hours with no sleep, feeling frustrated and angry.
Below: 24 hours without sleep, feeling full of grandiose ideas!
Below: Have lost track…think it’s 32 hours with no sleep. Mind has tons of *fabulous* (sarcasm) ideas bouncing around in my head, but body aches and hurts, and I’m flustered and desperate feeling.
They’re nipping at my heels, tearing flesh, drawing blood. My demons are coming for me.
Coming with a thirst.
I’ve done/used several of these. They work sometimes.
What about you guys?
I’ve been so sick. Since July, really, but intensity (right word?) varies. I will try to catch up soon, and I appreciate you all for the likes and comments. I’ll reply and read your stuff, too.
Thought-provoking and powerful article.
*SPOILER ALERT: I’m human. I occasionally curse, and there’s a naughty word in here.*
So, is anyone like me and relate to the bad guy/gal in books and films? Heck, even some historical events? I do. Quite often, actually. I was thinking about it today and wondering why.
I think it’s because the bad guy is flawed. Most of the time people aren’t all bad. They have made bad choices for a number of possible reasons and landed where they did before realizing they need to turn back, and I empathize with that, because being even more honest, I’m often a fuck-up.
Feeling like I was robbed of something – usually love. Feeling unappreciated. Feeling under valued. Feeling like I don’t fit in with the good guy group, because after all, they look happy and all pulled together, and their FaceBook pages tell me all about their glorious lives, and here I am, not any of those things.
So, sometimes I pull for the bad guy to get away, and I can with no trouble because, after all, I’m watching movies and reading, of course. Or root for the female villain to win and humbly accept her apologies and be crowned upon her throne.
Honestly, I don’t know. I’m babbling. But, I pull for Loki (Thor), Erik/Magneto (X-Men), Slade (vigilante from Netflix original The Five), Francine Hughes (Farrah Fawcett in The Burning Bed, abused woman escaping her husband). Two are misunderstood and do some misunderstanding of their own. One, a vigilante.
The last trying to save the life of herself and kids.
Eh. Well, again, as I said, please pardon the babbling. My life is very nice now, but for decades, things were not right. That brain wiring and the automatic reactions and feelings don’t just disappear. As I said, just random stuff bouncing around in this mind of mine. Be well. ✌
Back from vacation that I needed and loved for many reasons.
Hope to catch up soon. Take care.
Share something you’ve personally experienecd, or a way you’ve helped, regarding mental health on Tuesday, 10.10. World Mental Health Day.
Me? I wanted to give up. To actively choose no longer having to face this agony called Bipolar Disorder, and all that comes with it. I chose to draw on my strengths and faith, and live for my son. Depression’s lies and beatings didn’t cause me to be the worst thing to happen to my son. I’m around, and not perfect, but I’m around. And I know what it is for a parent to be gone while you’re still a kid.
So, I fought, and eventually, even thrived. And it is something I actively choose to do over and over again.
All for my son.
I woke this morning with a sense of paranoia. Sense is just a plain old dumb word to use to try to relay what was going on when I woke. I was scared, horrified, felt the need to hide, every nerve on fire…..
This didn’t happen in conjunction with any psychosis. There were no hallucinations or loss of time…just an inner voice whispering, “Hide. Protect yourself.”
I’m doing better now, 12 hours later.
Now, I feel sad and heartbroken. I’ve scanned stuff in my mind (like if you have three consistent things that really bother and worry you if you don’t get them under control) and nothing clicked. Nothing revealed itself saying, “Yes, hi, it’s me. I’m the one that got you all worked up.” But then again, I have way more than three issues that I’ve got to keep under control at all times, so maybe I just haven’t met up with my current torturer.
I am so tired, which is not to say I’m sleepy. I wish I was sleepy and actually slept, versus curling into a ball under a blanket and feeling thankful I’m done with the day. A day of pretending I’m okay, done with keeping stress-inducers under control, helping my child who also works hard to manage his own anxiety and Bipolar Disorder. (disease!!) Knowing my mom is safe because she’s in bed sleeping, instead of up walking without all that great of balance and her pain killer-induced cognitive issues. (Yes, they are prescribed and she is medically compliant.)
Yeah, so anyway, paranoia gone, replaced by whatever this depression is. I’m going to speak to my psychiatrist at the end of October appointment and ask if he thinks medication should be reevaluated and/or dosages reconsidered.
I don’t have anything fabulous to say. Just checking in and saying hi, offering a brief update. As I’ve said before, when I began this blog, I promised I would try to write something when in each mood, and I decided photos are important because they can show visually what’s going on inside, as long as I take authentic photos. And for the purpose of this blog, I aim to be authentic.
This disease – and its malicious, pestering, kicking, screaming, violent friends – this whole gang sucks.
I want one day without it, but when I have that longing, the gang seems particularly hateful and cruel and knocks me down still further.
To the point I must lie even to myself at times.
One thing that is rough for me…..
When I am depressed and/or anxious, I cannot enjoy quiet. I must hear something and do something.
Example: listen to an audiobook and sketch.
Why? Because the quiet that others take for granted, that peaceful time, is a hell for me.
There is nothing to silence my mind and all the demons, with their electric-shock-like intrusive thoughts and obsessive self-hate lies taunting me. Ruling me.
There’s a fantastic movie called Only Lovers Left Alive in which one of the characters, Tom Hiddleston’s Adam, says he’s barely still there. At that point, he had surrendered and was resigned with meeting his end.
I have also felt that isolation and eventual resignation more times than I could count. Far too many.
I am so alone, so without hope, so far down, so gone. And no one knows because they don’t care. I can sugar coat it and say folks are busy, but truth is, when something is important to you, you make the time. I’m always there. Always trying. Always keeping in touch.
I’m trying so hard for results that I fear I will not see.
How long must a person suffer before they are allowed to say, “Hey, I gave it my absolute best, and now, I let it go.”
Am I destined to reach the point of destruction? My own personal, agonizing ground zero?
What is it I have done that others have not also done in spades? Why do I long for absolution and forgiveness when it seems fairly obvious no one would hurt if I were to cease all of my efforts? Like all of the slack, understanding and forgiveness I extend?
It is difficult to tell exactly how much a depressive state in a Bipolar cycle influences how I feel about how the other issues are going in my life. Perhaps it is something different, though.
Perhaps, at least sometimes, it is the exact opposite. Perhaps, the way I’m treated (or not treated) brings about the depressive state and continues to feed it as if it were trying to satiate the “black dog,” as depression is so often termed.
I really am tired. Not a good situation. I am not in a safe place. I think God, myself and this tablet and keyboard are the only ones who know that, but not for lack of trying to share on my part.
Today, if I had not initiated conversations, however brief they were, I only would’ve chatted with my son for a few minutes because he sought me out.
Maybe I should just reciprocate and match what I’m shown…what I’m given. Maybe I should just be done and fade to black.
Maybe it’s too late.
So, these arrived today. This is an effort to work my way out of this cruddy depressive anxious episode.
My first attempt at drawing a comic character…go easy. As long as I have the energy and drive to at least try, I’m gonna be okay.
Just one-foot-in-front-of-the-other’ing type deal.
What do you guys try? Any special tricks up your sleeves?
I am realizing how much time I’ve lost lately. Do those of you with Mental Illness have trouble with this?
I cannot remember the time period or the goings-on, which can be hours or days. I seem to communicate very little during what I call my “lost time,” and I have no memory of most things during said time.
I cannot figure out if I’m really losing time, or extremely depressed and apathetic, or lack of sleep affects me…..
Probably (maybe) the answer is:
D) all of the above?
Everything is right. Is well. Family safe. Getting to know my sister again. Friends and I are talking. Household chores and errands are up to date. My husband’s new job pays a bit more. Mom is able to walk with her walker more often. My cat is health and full of shenanigans. My son is doing outstanding work at school. I’m going on a great trip in Oct.
So… why sad? Not just a little down or blue. Like sobbing, wailing, wanna give up sad.
Because that’s part of Bipolar, and the chemicals that seem delighted in saying, “Nope, not so fast.”
I feel so bad and want it over.
Again, I am left alone. Again!
My son just up and decides he wants a haircut and my husband just up and decides to take him. We were in the middle of watching a mystery show together. I was feeling a little better than I have been in the last few days and few weeks. I was not having any suicidal ideation and my muscles in my back and neck were feeling a little better.
And then they just decide and go. They don’t ask how I feel about it, if it’s okay, if I’m doing all right…..
I just want to go home. I have that feeling of wanting to go home. And as I’ve discussed before in this blog, feeling like I want to go home has been going on ever since I was first diagnosed with Bipolar and my psychotic breakdown in 2004.
I don’t know where that place is, the home for which I ache, because it certainly wasn’t a physical house I grew up in. I just want to go home. And I’m sad and tired and extremely angry now because I’m just ignored and disregarded.
Basically, I’m experiencing a Mixed Episode of Bipolar, and though I can hear myself and read these words that sound nonsensical, I still feel furious and hurt.
Please, families take care of each other and love each other. Please friends extend a hand and let your friends know you’re with them and you’ll do what you can, even if it’s just listening.
Listening is a huge thing and loving gesture.
Do you think its easier on you and your health – both physical and emotional – to live by yourself? If you’ve experienced both, maybe you have thoughts?
I wouldn’t trade my family for anything, but sometimes, I wonder if we had something like connected houses, with me down the hallway in my own wing, would that help.
I should point out, my son who is in his late teens, is also trying to manage Bipolar Disorder just like me, and that makes for an interesting dynamic, not just for he and I, but all of us in our home.
I get lonely quite a bit, so I find it difficult to describe why I think sometimes it might be smarter to live alone.
Does anybody feel me on this? Have any clue what I’m so poorly articulating?