apathy
I Win This Time
Hello, Stranger. I had forgotten your charm, your manipulation, your lies, the deceit. You’ve never really been gone though, have you? Just hidden in shadows, waiting.
Not today. Thats me – 6, you – 0.
Check out Paralyzed by NF on Amazon Music

Check out Paralyzed by NF on Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/albums/B00UBCFCX2?trackAsin=B00UBCFO6W&ref=dm_sh_4Up0KdSvpRdhZixdbXe35Qit4
OLLA
There’s a fantastic movie called Only Lovers Left Alive in which one of the characters, Tom Hiddleston’s Adam, says he’s barely still there. At that point, he had surrendered and was resigned with meeting his end.
I have also felt that isolation and eventual resignation more times than I could count. Far too many.
Losing Time
I am realizing how much time I’ve lost lately. Do those of you with Mental Illness have trouble with this?
I cannot remember the time period or the goings-on, which can be hours or days. I seem to communicate very little during what I call my “lost time,” and I have no memory of most things during said time.
I cannot figure out if I’m really losing time, or extremely depressed and apathetic, or lack of sleep affects me…..
Probably (maybe) the answer is:
D) all of the above?
Trying, Attempting, Endeavoring, Blah and Ugh
Trying to feel better. Doing the stuff I’m supposed to do. Well, trying to do the stuff. Basically, I sat. I read. I thought about coloring or writing. I did do some stretching and grounding exercises, along with prayer. Can’t sleep.
A Simple Truth…Even if It’s a Bummer
“I don’t hate myself. I just don’t want myself.” ~Jen Curry (that’s me)
Sometimes people cannot understand apathy. I experience it in deep Bipolar Depression bouts, and sometimes with anxiety. I have no better way to describe the total lack of interest in life and self.
However, that quote I threw out there is the best way I’ve ever come up with in use of describing it.
It’s Mental Health Awareness Month.
So, I talked about a piece.
Ever forward.
Sunday by Way of Photos
Not in a Box, Not with a Fox…I Do Not Like this BP, Sam… I Do Not Like It, Sam I Am…
Simple enough blog entry. Cannot pull it together today. Not with extra sleep, trying a movie and a book that interests me, stretching and light exercises, or planning Good things for tomorrow. Nothing has helped. I feel apathetic and tired, though not sleepy. I am dealing with flushing doctor-prescribed steroids out of my system on top of it all. Doesn’t mix well with my Bipolar. Have heard the same from many.
So, what I wanna know… Do you allow yourself to call it quits? Recognize that it’s just not gonna happen today? Like, I’m going to crash in my favorite chair with my #1 blanket, eat the bare minimum, drink a Dr. Pepper, and call it DOA. A crap day from moment one. I tried, but I allow myself to give now. Then let out a huge sigh of relief…
Is that dangerous territory? Do you think that’s acceptable? Do you think you can safely do so without causing possible troubles for tomorrow? How do you know if you’re headed to point-of-no-return-depression-land?
Thanks & good luck peeps. ✌✌✌