it’s been quite a long time since I have updated you guys. If you are someone with bipolar or someone who suffers with depression you can understand why I have not posted in a month. I have been going through a lot. My family has as well, but mostly I’m going to be speaking about myself… my part. It’s just been a month of depression due to being out of meds for two weeks and then playing catch up and trying to mentally level back out after getting the meds back. But then on top of that there’s been a lot of physical pain and a lot of spiritual, mental health as well as physical health issues. Financial issues too.
lately the circumstances of my life seem keen to prove to me the legitimacy of the saying, “when it rains, it pours.”
one of the biggest issues – my pain management doctor’s office called me yesterday before my appointment to let me know that I had a $665 balance with them and that they would not see me until I have that paid… in full. At which point I asked does that mean no medication refills as well to which they replied, yes. They claim they have been sending bills to my address (I have not received a bill) but my main question was… if I’ve been a client of yours for 3 1/2 years, why in the world would you know that I would pay my bills and then just decide to stop all the sudden and not pay the $665. And when I was checking in for my appointments (almost monthly) why didn’t anyone ever flag me and let me know my outstanding balance was/is building up. So, I’m furious and angry and upset and just so downtrodden and worried and sad about that. I wanna scream and cry all at once. one reason I’ve not written many blog entries lately is due to the pain in my hand. I was supposed to receive an injection for it yesterday, but then I got that call.
as for the issues my husband and i are facing, we did have a date night a couple of days ago. had dessert at ihop and started some interesting and fun conversations using “conversation starters for couples.” it’s from gary chapman, and i love the devotional he did with his wife. we have had a few pitfalls already since deciding to stay together and work it out. in particular, there was a decision he made solely without discussing it with me, and it cost us a significant amount of money we just don’t have right now. he also lied to me. nothing huge, what kids would call little white lies (or is that grandparents who say that) and the white lie was done because he was fearful it would make me think I should go through with the separation. i get that fear, but now is absolutely not the time to lie to me. but we talked and sorted through it. and as soon as we are financially able to see a therapist, we will. i guess the the point is, we’re working on communication.
we’re doing a different thanksgiving this year for a few reasons. we’re going to have two or three papa murphy’s take and bake pizzas and their garlic cheese bread, as well as birthday cake and ice cream for my mom. we will do that wednesday, then hit a movie or two on Thanksgiving. what about you guys that celebrate? what are your plans?
do y’all do black friday sales? me – only online!
(image credit: LJworld.com)
Lots of energy has swooped in tonight. Actually, started yesterday. Being careful it doesn’t spiral me out of control the other way. Depression’s messy complete opposite, Mania. However, I did go ahead and take advantage and get some work done, such as laundry, cooking, adding pics of stuff to online garage sale, etc. Might as well do something instead of sitting there… not sleeping.
I think I personally have to make the most of the energy when I can to stay on top of things, even if everyone else is sleeping. Any of you guys do this,
Blog Entry 10.9.19
So, as regular readers and friends know, I love Halsey. She’s such a brilliant artist – not just singing, but painting, drawing, video production – just an absolute beautiful artist. Such an inspiration.
She also has Bipolar Disorder. I’m a fan of this video from a channel called The Kingdom on youtube (we in the kingdom love, love, love Halsey). I am in awe of how well this translates some of Halsey’s music on her upcoming Manic album to Bipolar symptoms. I hope you take the four minutes to watch and let me and others know your reactions. Thanks.
How are you guys? Chime in.
*Special thanks to @halsey & @imthekngdm
Just An Update 10.1.19
So today has been much better, and I truly believe it is because last night I forced myself to sketch and write. Nothing grand came from that, but it got the creative juices flowing. Now I’m not saying I can live without meds, Lord knows, but I am saying I have a much better shot at maintaining a level mood if I’m creating something.
For me, it is part of self-care. As important as showering, applying makeup (that’s a personal one for me), stretches and light exercise, trying to eat okay, and finally, trying to get some sleep and taking my meds. And because I did that, today I watched a class on skillshare about starting a youtube channel about MH. I am writing this blog. I worked on making some decorations I plan to sell. I began writing a story. I cooked.
I don’t look forward to tomorrow because I have to go have nerve testing done on my arms, but I plan to just chill afterward and listen to a book. By the way, if you’ve read The Handmaid’s Tale, you MUST read Margaret Atwood’s follow-up, The Testaments. Turns everything you thought you knew about The Handmaid’s Tale on its side! Fantastic read or listen. I listened on Audible.
Anyway, I’m rambling. Just wanted to share I’m better today, and how I think I got there. And just want to say hi to you guys and hope you’ve had a great day.
How are you? Who else is eagerly awaiting Shane Dawson’s new series with episode one posting today, 10/1/19?
Love to you all. xoxo
(Image credit: randomhouse)