cats

18

I’m not doing the whole resolution thing, but I am taking the opportunity to do a bit of self-reflection. I’m going to try to work on small, attainable goals that promote growth. If I don’t achieve all of these quickly and/or every single day, I am not failing. These are just guidelines to help improve myself and help others.

First and foremost, try to dedicate myself even more to Jesus, my Savior. That’s something I should always be doing, and help my family and friends in any way I can and should. Witness when and where I can. This is not part of the eighteen. This should be every day, every month, every year.

Eighteen Goals – dedicate myself and give my best efforts as I’m able. Don’t be hard on myself if I don’t nail all eighteen immediately, fully and completely. Any effort is good. Any effort is helpful and beneficial. Any effort is progress.

1. Begin setting goals and outline a plan to start attending sociology classes again in order to ultimately be involved in juvenile criminal justice.

2. Research and try vitamins, supplements and foods that help protect nerves, and decrease joint inflammation and fibromyalgia pain.

3. Cook more often, while utilizing crock pots, pressure cookers and meal wrap storage.

4. Use coupons and the like to help with finances.

5. Researching ways to build a craft-making and selling small business in order to help with finances and to have an outlet for creativity.

6. Join the local town gym that offers classes and indoor warm pool for arthritis and fibromyalgia. Also sign up for the massages and nutritionist offered at the gym. Endorphin release will also help mental health issues too, of course.

7. Go to the one flat park in this town that is full of hills and walk with Richard Parker.

8. Visit my special hideaway at the river more often. Relaxation and a nice place for photos, writing, drawing, coloring and/or listening to music or books.

9. Follow bird trails in town and nearby towns and do more of the birdwatching journaling.

10. Get more bird feeders, birdhouses, and bird baths for the yard.

11. Plant a few plants in front walkway to add a splash of color to the house.

12. Start growing a few of my own herbs, as well as food such as tomatoes.

13. At least one 4-day weekend family trip in 2018.

14. Save money for a longer, more activity filled family vacation in 2019.

15. Find ways to have time to myself and maintain balance. Do not isolate, but do have some time alone for quiet time, free thoughts flowing, creativity, etc.

16. Work with new ideas listed above and doctors to find some sort of normal, consistent sleeping pattern.

17. Volunteer more often.

18. Laugh, sing and dance (privately, like a fool!) a little more often!

And ALWAYS encourage others. Pray for others!

Forgive, Live and Love

I’ve been thinking and praying.

To start with, I feel like I am a funny, intelligent, loyal, decent human being. I feel like I’m a good mom and wife, though I know that like most of us, I could improve. I’m a good friend. I think I’m a good daughter, even though that’s been a long, rocky relationship.

That word I just used, though. “Rocky.” I was thinking tonight and wondering why I have a few of those rocky relationships that don’t seem to get resolved over time. Problems begin that are not necessarily huge, outlandish arguments that completely sever ties, but are powerful enough to cause a lot of mixed emotions that just compound over time. We go along weary of saying something wrong to each other and causing hurt feelings, but then because we’re not talking, our feelings are hurt in that way.

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I think what I’ve figured out is this. I don’t kindly, yet firmly, insist that when the initial problem arises, that is fully and completely settled then and there. Now of course, not 100% of a misunderstandings will be settled and put to bed at the immediate onset. Time is needed to think and settle, and both parties have to be willing to sit down and speak to one another from the heart. Instead of years worth of misunderstandings, avoiding the other, blaming the other, and/or blaming myself, it is my hope in the future to settle things early on, instead of trying to just get out of dodge when it first comes up, with mixed emotions flying all around me, and nothing truly being put to bed with peace and forgiveness found.

In the beginning, when I try to duck and hide, I say some stuff I want to say, though probably not in the best manner, and honestly afterward, I more often than not run away. There is no closure.

Now, I am a big believer in how receptive the person on the other end of the line is, depending on what I choose to say and how I choose to say it. However, if things aren’t settled sooner rather than later, bad memories/thoughts come to the surface any old time they want to, and I experience the same sadness I did when it all first took place.

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I need to put my heart on the line in the beginning, ask how I can better our relationship, and share what I need as well. I need to discuss and sort, with respect to what each person can handle at that time, and feel forgiven and that I’ve forgiven them, and that we’re still loving family and friends and are moving forward.

Happily.

Peacefully.

Lovingly.

Because I don’t know about anyone else, but I feel uneasy and sad. I want things to be better. I want to do better, and I want others to treat me in the same way. However, over time, if I try to chip away at it with gestures that are not reciprocated or misread, it causes even more pain, and honestly, things get all jumbled up like a ball of yarn you’re trying to roll back into place after the cat destroyed it. Sometimes you give up on that yarn and trash it.

I need to settle up at the beginning, so to speak, and put it to an end. I need to respect my boundaries and those of others, but I cannot go on dragging things out over long periods of time, all the while feeling angry, unloved, undervalued, insignificant, and somehow making the other party feel hurt, followed by a brief time of peace, and then boom!!! we are back where we started.

I need to say and do what I need to say and do in the beginning, because after all, I believe that most people want to get along with others and love them. I believe most people have good hearts and that they do the best they can with what they know at the time. I believe people can misread each other, that folks have bad days, and that as I misunderstand them, they misunderstand me. When I mentioned above that at times I feel anger…come on folks, really and truly, what is anger at its core?

Pain.

Hurt.

 

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I believe if all involved would try to remember these things and just speak from their heart with honesty and without pointing out blame on the other side (the other person) that there could be such peace and love instead of confusion and heartbreak. Most importantly, even if the other person doesn’t do, think, and feel as I just mentioned, as long as I act and love in that way, at least I can know I tried. Maybe later down imaginary roads, forgiveness and peace can be found. Time runs out so fast, though. So fast.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day, and I lost my dad about 25 years ago. So yeah I know, my sisters know, my stepmom knows, that time runs out so fast. And when that time runs out, I don’t want anything left unsaid, and I don’t want someone wondering if I loved them, or not. I do. I really do care for the people in my life. I just hurt, and that blasted pain gets in the way. Happens to most of us, I assume.

I hope to forgive and be forgiven. In the end, it is truly that simple. Maybe I’ll get my courage up to make a phone call or two tomorrow.

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Caturday! Lil Late, Tho…

Somewhere out there in social media world, probably IG and Twitter, I see posts on Saturdays about beloved cats. Thus, #Caturday.

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I’m a couple hours late, but I totally got down with the whole cat deal, while celebrating Mother’s Day, even. Actually, that kicked it off, kinda. I was given a Willow Tree figurine. I adore those. I mean, for years I have collected them. This one resembled me, though. Dark hair girl holding a loving orange cat looking up affectionately at his guardian/mom. (Aka Richard Parker in my home). The inserted card with the figurine names the pretty trinket “Kindness, Above All, Kindness.”

Later, I colored in my kitten pictures coloring book. I wore my awesome cat headphones my in-laws gave me and jammed out, all next to my awesome cat night-light. Of course, sweet orange tabby was in my lap or snuggled in the blanket at my feet.

How is this relevant to a Bipolar Blog? It’s not a long entry, but the things I’ve mentioned convey and gift love and delight. These type of things and love go a long way in helping me be thankful and smile.

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Smiles, laughter, craft or art of some kind, music, and pets who love you and help beat the blues…these are fantastic meds!

So blessed.🐯

 

CRAZY Cat Lady

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

So let’s talk about it one piece of a screwed up jigsaw puzzle that hopefully makes things a bit more tolerable.

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Sometimes, it’s the little things. Taking a stroll, working with flowers in the lawn, visiting an aquarium, having lunch out just me alone, family time of talks or games, playing with four-legged friends, like my favorite orange tabby, Richard Parker.

I even receive a monthly Cat Lady Box. Has decorative cat stuff for me, the Crazy one, and even two toys for the cat. These make me smile, and I try to find reasons to smile and laugh each day. Wards off the blues… sometimes… and helps me remember to be thankful for those things and people I have in my life.

 

Unconditional Love…

…from a cat. My furry friend is Richard Parker. I was feeling alone, ill-prepared for upcoming situations, questioning myself, down and sad. I was giving up, in my mind, just giving up. I thought, don’t even bother to grab a bite to eat from the kitchen. Yeah, you’ve not eaten, but having to get up is worse.

Then, my favorite orange tabby got involved.

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I know this cat loves and helps me beyond measure. I hope he feels that way about me.

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72 Hours

Day Three of Depression, worsening, sinking fast. Aching to find stability. What will I do?

First, I won’t stay down. I will get up, no matter how painful. I always have, no matter the emotional and physical toll. No matter the length of time. No matter how t.i.r.e.d.

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So, right now, this is what I’m doing. Please note, I am not doing these things because I feel like they will help. Depression is deceitful. It is a liar. I feel like shrugging shoulders and curling into a ball to sleep.

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Here’s what’s key for me. I “feel” these emotions. However, I have to rely on my memory, logic and rationale. Must do the things I know will help me work through the depression. That requires a lot of strength. I’m fighting what the depression is telling me, while I agree and believe what it’s saying. That’s tricky, folks! I do believe, however, people with Bipolar Disorder are strong, intelligent and fighters.

So, I go outside. I notice the various green shades of trees, hear the birds sing, 🦆🐦🐤 watch the squirrels run for their lives (previously mentioned birds chasing them from nesting areas), and take in floral smells. 🌻🌹 Basically, a grounding-type walk. Staying in the present. Noticing beauty. Involving all of my senses, much like cooking, or creating art. I snuggle with my cat. I watch an episode of Chrisley Knows Best – can’t watch it without laughing. I listen to audiobooks, a different voice reading to me instead of hearing my voice. I listen to music. 🎵🎧🎶 I do some stretches and PT. I pray, often, in fact, during those walks that I mentioned. 🙏🙏 I use my diffuser with essential oils – orange, citrus, cinnamon and peppermint are my favs for depressed bouts. Colouring, I do some. Super important, I reach out to family and friends. Support is key. Interaction of any kind gets you outside your head, gets you out of your own way.

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What happens is simple. I occupy myself until the winter in my head becomes spring. I distract myself while rain gives way to sunshine. I learn while seeds in mud blossom into flowers.  Sometimes, these techniques, and many more, simply hang out with me until I feel better. More often than not, they not only help me in the immediate moment, they actually bring about smiles and beauty, all the while helping climb out of depression’s black hole. Is it as simple as – do steps 1, 2, 3 and poof! I’m better? No. But it helps me make it one day at a time.

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What helps You? Would you care to share? ✌✌✌