White Noise, Any Noise

6.23.19 blog entry

Question – Do those of you with Bipolar, Anxiety, Depression and the like have a hard time with a sleeping routine?

I absolutely cannot lie in the dark minus music, nature’s sounds, rain sounds, white noise from the fan (even in winter) tv…you get the point. There must be some noise. For anyone asking why, it’s because I can’t just allow my mind to wander. My mind doesn’t dream of fairies, or Disney World, and what will happen in the next chapter of an engaging book I’m reading. No, my mind worries, and fears, and screams. No lie, that’s on a good day. So, I do whatever I can until I pass out.

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It’s not how the psychiatrist envisions the routine for me. It’s no, in bed by 10:30 and up at 6:30. That’s the only point my psychiatrist of almost a decade and I do not see eye to eye on, the sleep issue. I just can’t seem to sway him. Sometimes, experience (or struggle) with an issue defies what books say should work.

Anyway, I must have some noise. Some distraction.

What about you guys?

 

(πŸ“Έ: Google images)

Tryin’ But Ain’t Firin’

Hey, y’all. I’ve been trying to come up with something to write. I’m sorry. I just don’t have it in me. I’m tired. I just don’t have anything to say.

I woke this morning, mouth bleeding, because I had bitten my tongue in three places. I’m in extraordinary pain in hips, knees and back.

My son had a rough, emotional day, and when you have two Bipolars living together, that can be tricky. By his biological father and bullies/staff at school, for so long he was like a puppet with someone else pulling his strings. I’m so glad he finally cut those ties.

“What Happens When Someone With Bipolar Is A Caretaker For Two?” Coming soon to a screen near you.

Anyway, I’m tired. I know things will turn around. But damn. Hurry up. 😜✌

 

Bipolar and Headaches

6.6.19 blog

A study of comorbidity of bipolar and headaches & yep, yep, I figured they were running buddies. I hate the headaches I have like right now when I’m clearly on the edge of hypomania and highly irritable and agitated.

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Good study. Good article.

The Bipolar Spectrum in Migraine, Cluster and Chronic Tension Headache

 

(Image credit: Google images)

Running Running Running

6.4.19 blog entry

I am doing something that I’ve come to understand as the only means I can do what I need to do in life. What is it I’m doing? I’m on the go, go, go! Move your ass mode! πŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸ‘©β€πŸ’»πŸ³Β Writing, chores, cooking… stuff that piles up when you have days during which you can do nothing.

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Hypomanic, trying to steer clear of full-blown mania. I have family watching to tell me if I’m rocketing out of the stratosphere πŸš€and letting me know it’s time for PRN meds.

For now, I’m good, but coming down hurts. It hurts mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. It’s true that my mental health affects my physical health affects my mental health affects my physical health. πŸ”

Here’s the deal though, when I’m physically and mentally down for at least half of my days, if not more, then those days that rarely come along when I can just dial it up to 11, I have to do so. It’s the only way I survive and keep my household flowing and family taken care of, even though it’s also breaking me down at a faster rate. Do I need a better plan? Yes. I’m not a fool. However, I haven’t found anything else that works, and I’ve tried for decades, even with help from doctors and therapists.

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Feel free to comment on how you make it work if you’d like. I always welcome respectful comments and conversations with me and among you guys if you wish to talk to one another. Love to you all. βœŒπŸŽ—

Want To Be Done

5.24.19 blog entry

So, I’m gonna be honest with you guys. I always remind others to reach out for help. Here I am now doing just that. I’m feeling overwhelmed and in pain.

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I feel like my work won’t be published… sort of a “why would that website I’m so interested in want to print what I have to say?” Or, “why would anyone want to buy any decoration I made?”

And I’m so fracking tired of hurting so much, everywhere. I mean seriously, all the physical pain is just eating away at me and causing me to miss out on life.

I feel like a fraud. As happens in life, there have been some unforeseen circumstances that are causing some financial struggles. If we don’t get a hold of it quickly, we will drown.

And I’m frustrated… no, furious… that I can’t help my family.

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I just want it over and done. I don’t want to be on this earth anymore.

Take a Look at This Thought-Provoking Video by Luke Alexander

5.22.19 blog entry

I decided to share this. I think this post is quite thought-provoking. It’s about romanticizing mental illness on social media and where lines should be drawn. I do not agree with everything he says, but as I said, it got me thinking. I’m curious what you guys think, whether you have a Mental Illness or not.

I will call Trigger Warning for one part of this youtube post. The host himself tells you exactly when he begins discussing self-harm and suicide and what point to jump ahead to if you want to skip that part. It’s only a couple of minutes in a 14:19 minute youtube video.

Shows such as 13 Reasons Why, memes and drawings and art work about various MI are shown and discussed, in regards to what is self-expression vs. romanticizing things that are actually quite difficult. Luke Alexander, the host of the channel and this video, has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, so he brings some understanding to the table immediately.

And let’s not forget, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Talk to one another. Reach out for help. Ask questions. We must eradicate mental health stigma and misunderstandings – I know I always say that, but it’s because it’s fact. Love to you all and take care.

 

(credit: YouTube video post: Luke Alexander channel)

(photos: Google Images)