Helping Suffering Loved Ones

Hey, guys. Just want to stop by and check in with you.

How are you – spiritually, physically and emotionally?

I posted a video on my teeny tiny YouTube channel about how to help people suffering with depression. It got me thinking, and ultimately deciding to post a couple of links here for advice if you’re trying to help a loved one or friend who is in need and suffering.

Any feedback and advice for others or myself would be much appreciated.

Love & Peace to you all!

https://psychcentral.com/blog/9-best-ways-to-support-someone-with-depression/

https://www.healthline.com/health/what-to-say-to-someone-with-depression

 

 

 

That Was A Lot

Hello, All.

I know I haven’t been around much. I’ve been quite low. Depressed really. I might have moments some days of feeling a bit better – peppy, more productive. However, as a whole, I’ve been down in the pit. I’m sure if you’ve suffered with depression or know someone who has, you know the pit well.

Anyway, quick update. I’ve begun therapy again. Tomorrow is actually my second visit. My husband’s rotator cuff is probably shot after the hit & run. We’ll have an MRI and find out soon. So thankful we have comprehensive auto insurance, short term disability, long term disability, “accident and hospital extra fees” insurance (whatever you call the latter there, I do not know). Boy, am I glad now that we pay for each of those policies a bit out of every check. I learned a long time ago when my back troubles and first surgery began at age 21, when I felt invincible and felt I didn’t need insurance between jobs, then ended up having back surgery with no coverage, that no matter what, as long as we could manage it, it’s best to have as much insurance and coverage as you are able.

People helped us with a GoFundMe campaign, and these beautiful souls were so amazing and generous. We were able to pay the rent and cover rental car fees and groceries until we could receive the check from State Farm for the totaled out car and buy a new pre-owned car. So again, thank you.

Now, my husband and son are back to work, because my son delivers for Doordash in the evenings when the car is back home. My husband received a promotion at work. We will be moving into the city of San Antonio instead of being an hour away. Cuts down on gas. My son and I are probably going to alternate days, and I may pick up a couple of shifts a week through Doordash or Grubhub and just earn a little extra money to tuck away. He and I are both excited and eager to have more social opportunities in the city as well.

Rationally, I know all I mentioned is good news. I’m not a dummy. I know we are blessed. That I am blessed. I ask about people on my youtube channel – how are they spiritually, physically and emotionally. I unquestionably know and would answer that I am blessed. At the moment, however, I don’t feel overly elated. I’m rather apathetic. Weird because I know that I am happy and thrilled for clean slate, fresh start and new experiences, but I’m not feeling much of anything. But that goes for several topics and situations right now.

As I said, tomorrow I’m going to therapy, and I’m going to go for a walk and spend some time at the river, I think. I’m also going to take my laptop with me to a diner or coffee shop and do some writing. See if I can help pull myself up a bit.

WARNING: UPON EDITING, I REALIZED THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IS 100% A RAMBLING STREAM OF CONCIOUSNESS. SKIP TO THE LAST PARAGRAPH IF YOU DO NOT CARE ABOUT THYROIDS AND SALADS AND SUCH AND omg!!!! EVEN THIS WARNING HAS BECOME MORE RAMBLING…

blog shut up dear pic

I’m also going to make an appointment with my physician and check out my thyroid, which is eternally whacked – sometimes hyper, sometimes hypo and sometimes stable. I actually have the autoimmune thyroid condition that starts with H. I forget the name. After a while all the diagnoses run together and you just gotta roll and laugh. I’ve all of the sudden gained about 10 lbs. Might be because I’ve been hurting so badly and was very chair-restricted and haven’t been very active. I blew my back out getting into a jeep (uber) because I had to attend an appointment, and there were no other options. I knew it the second I did it. Now, sciatica and all that fun stuff have come back to visit. I told it to kick rocks and keep on going, but it settled in. Typical. So, I’m going to hopefully have enough money out of this paycheck to join a gym here in town that has an indoor warm pool. I feel like that’s the best – no, let’s be honest – only way for me to do any exercise that’s going to beneficial. I’ve begun eating more salads. (Mostly spring green mix and baby spinach. Grape tomatoes. Turkey. Croutons. Olive Garden dressing. I’m trying to use a very small amount of dressing. It’s one of the reasons I bought OG. A little goes a long way.) Salads are replacing at least one of my usual meals per day. Then little small things like leaner proteins, olive oil, limiting sodas to one per day, drinking wayyyy more water, and, for now, when I’m craving a sweet treat, having animal crackers. I’m almost to the point that I’m not reaching for those anymore. A while back my doctor suggested if I want to snack, choose a cereal such as Cheerios that is high in iron and snack on it as a dry snack. My point is, I’m starting with small changes and will implement more as I go, but I feel I’m making progress. Just deciding I want to change and then actually pressing go and moving forward is HUGE. Sorry, I’m rambling.

blog shut up spongebob pic

How are you guys? What’s going on spiritually, physically and emotionally? Please feel free to ramble. xo

Love to you all. x

 

(image credits: bing images)

Kitty Cat Sleep Elsewhere

Monday, 12.2.19 blog entry

Does it really have to be like this?

My pain management doctor’s office had not been sending me invoices (address screw up) and allowing my outstanding balance to grow. Exponentially! Even though I see the doctor at least once a month and pay a $45 specialist copay, they never told that this balance existed. So, about a week and a half ago, I’m supposed to go in for a procedure, and I’m told on the phone I cannot until I pay my balance. Why they didn’t call before then, I don’t know. Anyway, having no clue what kind of number I was about to hear, I was like, “sure, no problem, how much?” They responded with $665!!! And even though at first they told me I had to pay half of it in order to schedule the procedure and receive medication refills, now today when I call them to pay, they say a new office policy has taken effect. I must now pay all of it, then I can schedule my procedures and a follow up visit and receive prescriptions. They also said from this point forward, every time one pays the copay, if there’s any outstanding balance from past visits that the insurance didn’t cover, one will have to pay that amount at that time. I thanked them for that last bit and said it was a fabulous idea and that every other doctor I’ve ever seen does that so that this does not happen. I admit, I’m sure I had a sarcastic tone. So, it’s there horrendous policy and poor attempts at addressing the issue and communication in general that allowed this balance to become what it is in the first place, and they’ve told me this is happening to many patients, yet they offer no payment plan to help these patients out, knowing when it’s all paid off, the new policy will be in effect. What sort of twisted fuckery is this?! Sorry, but that’s what it is. I don’t know many people who have a free $665 sitting around to slap down, but I need to see my doctor so badly for wrist and shoulder injections. We have our car set to be repaired on December 30th, and I don’t know which one I’m paying first.

My son put it to me quite simply. “Which is more important.” To which I told him that it depended on which point of view you take.

I’m furious. I’m livid. I’m honestly without words, which isn’t so swell for a blog writer, but hey, I’m calling a spade a spade.

Meanwhile, I’m having problems with my psychiatric meds. The psychiatrist told me I could increase the dosage on one med if I needed to – not gonna go into it because my wrist is hurting typing this, and I need to get moving – but the point is that I did. Now, when I’m calling requesting an earlier refill, the front desk rep is not understanding what I’m saying in trying to explain to her why it needs to be refilled early. She said even if the doctor does refill it, I have to pay an extra fee for refilling said med before seeing him again. Nope. Ain’t happening, honey. So, I gotta stay on that.

And then, for extra fun, we had to put some stop payments on some items in my mom’s checking account. I took care of it last Wednesday. She got paid Friday. Today, we woke up to $0 in her account!!!! Yes, since Friday, she’s had $1,500, now we wake to $0 because the items we placed the stop payments on (plus other auto pay bills) went through. And, we had deposited some of our money into her account as well because right now, all monies are being pooled together what with the holidays and car repair, etc. So, they will give us our money back, but it could take up to 10 business days as it must go through claims. WHAT????!!!!

Ridiculous. So, I’m making and selling Christmas decorations despite my wrist and shoulder pain. (Also, selling new and gently used clothes, books, etc, on online garage sales through FaceBook – whatever I can to make money to make ends meet until we get our money refunded.) My son was nice enough to pay for my mom’s copay for a doctor she saw today. We have a few groceries. Electric bill isn’t due for another week. We’ll make it. I’ll figure it out as I always do.

But really… should hard working people who pay their taxes and meet their responsibilities, people who are disabled, should it be this hard for them to receive care?

I just wanna smash something. So, I advised the cat to sleep elsewhere. LOL. Kidding. Gotta laugh or you’ll cry.

blog rp pic

when it rains, it pours TRUTH

it’s been quite a long time since I have updated you guys. If you are someone with bipolar or someone who suffers with depression you can understand why I have not posted in a month. I have been going through a lot. My family has as well, but mostly I’m going to be speaking about myself… my part. It’s just been a month of depression due to being out of meds for two weeks and then playing catch up and trying to mentally level back out after getting the meds back. But then on top of that there’s been a lot of physical pain and a lot of spiritual, mental health as well as physical health issues. Financial issues too.

lately the circumstances of my life seem keen to prove to me the legitimacy of the saying, “when it rains, it pours.”

one of the biggest issues – my pain management doctor’s office called me yesterday before my appointment to let me know that I had a $665 balance with them and that they would not see me until I have that paid… in full. At which point I asked does that mean no medication refills as well to which they replied, yes. They claim they have been sending bills to my address (I have not received a bill) but my main question was… if I’ve been a client of yours for 3 1/2 years, why in the world would you know that I would pay my bills and then just decide to stop all the sudden and not pay the $665. And when I was checking in for my appointments (almost monthly) why didn’t anyone ever flag me and let me know my outstanding balance was/is building up. So, I’m furious and angry and upset and just so downtrodden and worried and sad about that. I wanna scream and cry all at once. one reason I’ve not written many blog entries lately is due to the pain in my hand. I was supposed to receive an injection for it yesterday, but then I got that call.

as for the issues my husband and i are facing, we did have a date night a couple of days ago. had dessert at ihop and started some interesting and fun conversations using “conversation starters for couples.” it’s from gary chapman, and i love the devotional he did with his wife. we have had a few pitfalls already since deciding to stay together and work it out. in particular, there was a decision he made solely without discussing it with me, and it cost us a significant amount of money we just don’t have right now. he also lied to me. nothing huge, what kids would call little white lies (or is that grandparents who say that) and the white lie was done because he was fearful it would make me think I should go through with the separation. i get that fear, but now is absolutely not the time to lie to me. but we talked and sorted through it. and as soon as we are financially able to see a therapist, we will. i guess the the point is, we’re working on communication.

we’re doing a different thanksgiving this year for a few reasons. we’re going to have two or three papa murphy’s take and bake pizzas and their garlic cheese bread, as well as birthday cake and ice cream for my mom. we will do that wednesday, then hit a movie or two on Thanksgiving. what about you guys that celebrate? what are your plans?

do y’all do black friday sales? me – only online!

(image credit: LJworld.com)

Time Perception

Time moves differently in heaven and hell. I’ve heard that in science fiction stories and have seen it on cable shows such as American Horror Story. I believe it and wholeheartedly agree.

When manic, my mind races so fast that I feel as though an hour is packed into a single minute. What is more dreadful, I find, is the perception of time during a depressive state. I have just come out of a depressed dip that only lasted a few days, but upon emerging back into the world, I thought I had been down for weeks.

(Getty Images)

Luckily, I saw my doctor last week and was given some advice to help my sleeping issues, which I truly believe caused a lot of the mess I experienced. That depression was coupled with an intense amount of anxiety, and the two together kept me down, asleep for the last few days, partly because my mental state knocked me down so badly that I became physically ill as well.

Surviving the bouts of depression and anxiety feels as though it takes years because of how intense those feelings are and time truly moves slower and faster all at the same time. I’m glad I’m getting better and hope it continues.

How are you guys?

Do you experience time warps and skews?

Making The Most

Lots of energy has swooped in tonight. Actually, started yesterday. Being careful it doesn’t spiral me out of control the other way. Depression’s messy complete opposite, Mania. However, I did go ahead and take advantage and get some work done, such as laundry, cooking, adding pics of stuff to online garage sale, etc. Might as well do something instead of sitting there… not sleeping.

I think I personally have to make the most of the energy when I can to stay on top of things, even if everyone else is sleeping. Any of you guys do this,

Whoa That Came Out Of Nowhere

10.15.19 blog entry

So, this is a vulnerable but honest and important entry. It’s necessary to discuss this part of Bipolar.

My mood has not been consistent for a while now, but it hasn’t been too terrible as far as extremes. I’m functioning. I’m not always thrilled about it. Sometimes I move too fast and say something I regret, or I exacerbate my fibromyalgia and physically hurt more than normal, but I’m functioning.

Then, boom!

Two nights ago, some serious mania and psychosis set in, full on with hallucinations of someone who was not really there, and then (and this is the part I’m afraid to share but will…) I really wanted to score some cocaine and have enough for a few days. I’ve not done cocaine in over two decades, and I never have a desire to do so. Yet, there it was. Of course, I have no money and more importantly, don’t know anyone who does or sells cocaine. I mean, obviously. Why would I? I used the drug when I was 16 years old for a six month time span relatively soon after my dad’s sudden, unexpected death. My home environment at the time was terrible. Mom always depressed in bed or gone to work, leaving me with a drunken step-father who… and I kid you not… we later found out was a murderer.

blog cocaine

(Image Credit: flickr)

Look, I’m not trying to say I should have ever done drugs, but I am providing some context for the situation.

Anyway, as I was actually physically itching for it, it occurred to me I could crush some of my pain pills and snort them. Now, thank goodness I didn’t totally lose the plot. I spoke to a friend for a while, and gave my meds to my husband. And I took care of the hallucination in the short hallway from our room to our bathroom by simply turning on the light. I took two PRN meds I’m allowed to take per my doctor (PRN meds to help sedate and even things out for issues just like this) and took a couple of Melatonin and fell asleep (finally!) around 6 or 7 a.m. and slept a good, long while. I woke and everything was back to normal. Whatever Bipolar-normal is… sigh.

I think maybe one thing that led to it is my sleeping cycle has become so much worse. Luckily, I was able to secure an appointment with my psychiatrist next week, and I’ll relay all of this, and we’ll work on preventing this from happening again because it was as if a whole new person had taken over my body.

But that’s the trouble with Bipolar. Does that shit to you sometimes. I hate it.