Sometimes Music Says It Best

Okay, so the blasted article submission I’ve been busting my butt on was denied. Again. Received some helpful feedback, but I do wish I had received it the first time it was handed back to me. It would have been tremendously helpful. I was told that I have a charming writing style that unfortunately doesn’t fit their tone. Right now, I’m just going to move on and write something else. Something with no goal of publication anywhere in particular; just something that is mine and that makes me proud and happy. Write my way on out of here. Away from financial woes, physical pain, fear, anxiety, and a bunch of other BS that comes with Bipolar.

Check out In The End (Mellen Gi Remix) [feat. Fleurie] by Tommee Profitt feat. Fleurie on Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/albums/B07PQ1P5NC?trackAsin=B07PMXDSJ8&ref=dm_sh_GCpSzNveEkWyiyuZtecVWsoqX

 

Anyway, sometimes music says it best. I’m glad for that because I cannot allow myself to sink lower right now. If I do, I won’t get back up for a while, and I don’t have that time to spare. Between the pain and what I logically know only feels like temporary failure, I just cannot — CANNOT — allow myself to sink lower.

Check out Spectacular Now [Explicit] by G-Eazy on Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/albums/B07TDDGFPR?trackAsin=B07TBBYG83&ref=dm_sh_x16EmArgiooVsQJHx7yI9XIbg

 

 

Do You Feel As Though You Have Helped

4.23.19 blog entry ~

Question: Do any of you reading, any who have mental health issues or chronically ill physical ailments, do you feel as though you’ve helped someone else suffering with something similar? Do you feel you’veΒ  been encouraging? That you’ve helped others?

If so, how? How did you help comfort them? Reach them? Maybe even talk them down off of that proverbial ledge?

Just a thought that passed through my mind, so I thought I’d reach out and ask.

 

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Take care of and love yourself and others.

Photo Credit: Google Images

How I Feel

HOW I FEEL ~ 6.15.18

Having an extremely rough time of it. I feel quite alone. I did want to check in and share that simply because this blog is supposed to relay the ups and downs of Bipolar. I feel alone, abandoned, ignored, without any value, and as though I’ve nothing to contribute. I know the facts are this is not true, but I still *feel* these emotions just now. Take care of yourselves, folks. ✌

TWO HOURS LATER –

Trying to fight back against this depression and the intrusive, harmful thoughts. I had said earlier that I was going to take a break from talking and an online presence, but I don’t need to isolate – whether online or in day to day living. Tomorrow, the family is going to take my husband out to eat for Father’s Day. I’m going to try to get to an evening church service on Sunday night, and set up something on MeetUp. I appreciate any support. I’m trying.

Mother’s Day 2018

MOTHER’S DAY 2018

Mother’s Day can be wonderful, or it can be a day of complexities and sometimes pain. A good relationship with your mom and/or kid(s) is ideal.

However, let’s be realistic. There are troubled relationships as well.

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You want to wish your sister a happy day, but you’ve had a falling out. Maybe your mom has passed awsy. Maybe your mom warned you about wire hangers and other such insanities that somehow warranted abuse and cruelties.

Maybe you want desperately to be a mom but cannot have children. Maybe you’re a new stepmom struggling to win your stepkids’ love. Maybe your daughter or niece has died.

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How was Mother’s Day for you?

14 Reasons Why I’m Not Freaking

So…yucky news. My husband is being laid-off, end of July. So, the search is on for positions here where we now live, and the company (nationwide) is searching out relocation options. So far there have been two pop up on the radar.

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I do love it here. The spacious house. The birds. The deer. The large yard. The river. The slower-paced community. However, we will have to make difficult decisions soon. Stay here and gamble, hoping he finds a new job ASAP, or accept one of the relocation offers. We just moved here last year.It would be the second move in a year’s time. Additionally, what about my mother who lives with us now. She can hardly walk after the surgeries and is about as good as she’s going to get physically speaking. A senior community or assisted living might be in her future. Her near future. Additionally, it would most likely be best that I put my two upcoming operations on hold for now.

So, how the heck am I staying calm even though I’m a very emotional and anxious creature?

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  1. Prayer and trust in Jesus – we have been here before and He took care of us.
  2. Listening to soothing music and white-noise type sounds.
  3. Going to make an appointment with my therapist.
  4. Finding silver linings, such as my son having more kids to hang out with (this is mostly a retirement community and that’s been rough on him).
  5. Not allowing myself to sleep during the days and give in to what could easily become depression.
  6. Distraction (mostly artsy type stuffs).
  7. Mindfulness, which includes prayer.
  8. Movement…just continuing to move by doing things like stretching exercises.
  9. Planning – looking at the relocation cities and what they “have to offer” such as neighborhoods, rent, cost of living…getting some answers instead of wondering about everything, which would spike that anxiety. I like having a Plan B.
  10. I have good friends who listen and sometimes offer advice.
  11. Perspective. None of us is dead, you know?
  12. Breathing exercises.
  13. Not borrowing trouble. I will have to face it when it is time anyway. No need to waste energy now.
  14. I do have PRN medication for anxiety if needed, but not so far.

I am sure I have forgotten some things, or will “employ” more as I go, but that is what is helping now. I feel pretty stable. I’m hanging in there.

 

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I have rather a good feeling about it just now. We shall see what is in store.

Father’s Day…No Snazzy Title

So today… Yeah, today was Father’s Day. Emotional.

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I don’t necessarily think that the heightened, amplified emotions that come with Bipolar make this day any better, or any worse. Whatever your relationship with your father is indeed your unique relationship, or lack thereof.

So with a confused mind and fickle heart, I wish my father, passed away some 25 years or so, a remembrance on this Father’s Day.

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Dad, stepmom, sisters

 

 

 

72 Hours

Day Three of Depression, worsening, sinking fast. Aching to find stability. What will I do?

First, I won’t stay down. I will get up, no matter how painful. I always have, no matter the emotional and physical toll. No matter the length of time. No matter how t.i.r.e.d.

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So, right now, this is what I’m doing. Please note, I am not doing these things because I feel like they will help. Depression is deceitful. It is a liar. I feel like shrugging shoulders and curling into a ball to sleep.

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Here’s what’s key for me. I “feel” these emotions. However, I have to rely on my memory, logic and rationale. Must do the things I know will help me work through the depression. That requires a lot of strength. I’m fighting what the depression is telling me, while I agree and believe what it’s saying. That’s tricky, folks! I do believe, however, people with Bipolar Disorder are strong, intelligent and fighters.

So, I go outside. I notice the various green shades of trees, hear the birds sing, πŸ¦†πŸ¦πŸ€ watch the squirrels run for their lives (previously mentioned birds chasing them from nesting areas), and take in floral smells. 🌻🌹 Basically, a grounding-type walk. Staying in the present. Noticing beauty. Involving all of my senses, much like cooking, or creating art. I snuggle with my cat. I watch an episode of Chrisley Knows Best – can’t watch it without laughing. I listen to audiobooks, a different voice reading to me instead of hearing my voice. I listen to music. 🎡🎧🎢 I do some stretches and PT. I pray, often, in fact, during those walks that I mentioned. πŸ™πŸ™ I use my diffuser with essential oils – orange, citrus, cinnamon and peppermint are my favs for depressed bouts. Colouring, I do some. Super important, I reach out to family and friends. Support is key. Interaction of any kind gets you outside your head, gets you out of your own way.

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What happens is simple. I occupy myself until the winter in my head becomes spring. I distract myself while rain gives way to sunshine. I learn while seeds in mud blossom into flowers. Β Sometimes, these techniques, and many more, simply hang out with me until I feel better. More often than not, they not only help me in the immediate moment, they actually bring about smiles and beauty, all the while helping climb out of depression’s black hole. Is it as simple as – do steps 1, 2, 3 and poof! I’m better? No. But it helps me make it one day at a time.

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What helps You? Would you care to share? ✌✌✌