How I Feel

HOW I FEEL ~ 6.15.18

Having an extremely rough time of it. I feel quite alone. I did want to check in and share that simply because this blog is supposed to relay the ups and downs of Bipolar. I feel alone, abandoned, ignored, without any value, and as though I’ve nothing to contribute. I know the facts are this is not true, but I still *feel* these emotions just now. Take care of yourselves, folks. ✌

TWO HOURS LATER –

Trying to fight back against this depression and the intrusive, harmful thoughts. I had said earlier that I was going to take a break from talking and an online presence, but I don’t need to isolate – whether online or in day to day living. Tomorrow, the family is going to take my husband out to eat for Father’s Day. I’m going to try to get to an evening church service on Sunday night, and set up something on MeetUp. I appreciate any support. I’m trying.

Can I Definitively Judge and Answer?

I ran across this and thought, there never was a “happy me.” Old? Yes. But happy?

I wonder if, on another day, when a different version of me lives, I will claim I’ve experienced all the joy in the world?

Not knowing who you’ll be, what version, on any given day is because of the trickster, Bipolar. I would bet all my money my answers to these kinds of questions will vary day by day. If that’s true, how do I trust anything? I know I can trust God. I know I can trust a few family members and dear friends. That’s what I *know* but not how I always *feel!* With BP, I often must trust what I know even when I do not feel it.

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What are your thoughts?