My Easter, How About Yours

4.22.19 blog entry ~ Easter

Hey, guys. How are we? Holidays can be full of varying emotions. Everyone make it through okay? Anyone need to talk?

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I messed up. I did a lot of physical household chores, and then computer help for my mom, stuff like that. Did this Friday and Saturday. I was feeling hypomanic, so I took advantage of the energy and got stuff done, but Sunday morning, I couldn’t attend Easter services, and that bummed me. I was physically hurting too much, and in the three days prior, combined total I had four hours sleep. However, we watched The Passion of the Christ at home, and I sobbed. We prayed. I managed to make Easter lunch – pasta. Lol.

Today, I’m trying not to fall into full-on dysphoric mania. I’ve been quite close, because I feel so much rage and want to smash something. Therefore, I purposefully tried slowing myself down with calming strategies and PRN anxiety meds. I’m pleased to report everyone in my home still has their heads intact. Yay for small miracles.

I will mention, I tried connecting with my supposed best friend of years and my sister, and neither replied. Again. Just give up, Jen! They didn’t care when I was in the hospital, or when I sent them images of my son’s graduation photos, which hurt me dearly. (Especially the latter.) I’ve tried so many times, but they flat ignore me. I want to send them each a message. However, I do not want to send something in this mood and possibly later regret it. So, I’ll reassess later. Maybe have a friend read it before I send it. Sometimes though, I feel like this is the mood in which I’m most honest and not trying to sugarcoat things and make the necessary excuses for them.

So yeah, I had a lovely Easter with my family, and I even went to a shop in town on Saturday and picked up a few comics on sale and talked to the owners about the SA Comic Con. That was really cool.

But I will have to eventually send the two ladies I was talking about a letter listing my hurt feelings but offering forgiveness and wishing well being, just so that I can gain the closure I need. Closure and the act of letting go can be cathartic.

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Maybe I could write the letters and not send them.

Overall, I’m good.

Off subject, you guys gonna see Avengers Endgame this weekend?

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Love you all. Take care. ✌

 

📸: Google images

Common Denominator

11.26.18 blog entry Common Denominator

I’m not sure why. I have spent hours upon hours in days among days trying to figure it out. My mom once told me not to bother wasting time like that because after all, is the person or persons I’m thinking about even giving me a second thought. Possibly, but even so, they definitely don’t waste time on me with a third thought. And I’m actually not blaming all these people I’ve lost in my life because there have been LOTS, and what is the common denominator? Or rather, whom? Answer is simple. Me. I equal common denominator.

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I think I feel too intensely and describe too deeply and possibly even make others feel guilty about being overwhelmed with and by me. So, now they’re gone. Friends. Family. Even a first middle school aged boy that I liked – and who I believe liked me – even he and his wife won’t accept my friend request on Facebook. Really? And a friend of years has totally quit me. A friend since middle school and who was there for all the important wonderful new stuff, as well as the rough times, and vice versa.

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I think it’s the Bipolar and the intensity that comes along with it. Even though I’d never wish it on my worst enemy, I have often thought that if people could spend a week inside my mind, my body, they could sorta understand. But I can’t do that, obviously, so people seem to continue slipping away instead. I even fear the folks I have left will soon be gone. I’ve deleted my meetup groups. I don’t have it in me to make new friends, only to lose them. Damn. I’m exhausted. Just so tired of it. Actually, I’m just plain sad. Sad and broken hearted. 💔

Just Catching Up

BLOG ENTRY 10.15.18

JUST CATCHING UP ~

Not doing well, guys, but wanted to check in and ask how y’all are doing.

Me, I’m struggling physically, even moreso than usual, and it’s beating me up emotionally.

However, I see a Neurologist on Wednesday. Maybe that will help. Seeing my Psychiatrist the following week. And I’m forcing myself to continue stretching and strengthening exercises. Sleeping a ton, though, because I’m in so much pain. Have hardly any energy. Definitely going to request new blood work.

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Anyway, how are you guys doing?

Let’s continue helping each other and taking care of ourselves, even if that requires a new specialist every once in a while, followed by a relaxing massage.

F5HERD

 

Shout Out

Blog entry ~ 10.7.18

Sincere and honest shout-outs, thanks and love sent to those of you who involve yourself in my life, and allow me to be a part of yours. No matter the distance, the circumstances or the past. No matter if you are also depressed or anxious.

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You, like me, care enough to check in with a friend or family member. This is one of the most important and loving things we can do for each other.

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Domino Effect

Domino Effect ~ 10.3.18

Kindness begets kindness.

Hope begets hope.

Honesty begets honesty.

Support begets support.

Art begets art.

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Does your friend know you love him/her because you were sure to remind him/her of that today?

From whom did you receive encouragement because you had, in the past, motivated that person?

What did you create today based on a poem you read, or a song you heard?

Bipolar (and any chronic illness) can rob us of being able to do these things, but if we stick together, I believe we’ll make it.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Love, light and peace. 💛🙏🌞✌