Common Denominator

11.26.18 blog entry Common Denominator

I’m not sure why. I have spent hours upon hours in days among days trying to figure it out. My mom once told me not to bother wasting time like that because after all, is the person or persons I’m thinking about even giving me a second thought. Possibly, but even so, they definitely don’t waste time on me with a third thought. And I’m actually not blaming all these people I’ve lost in my life because there have been LOTS, and what is the common denominator? Or rather, whom? Answer is simple. Me. I equal common denominator.

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I think I feel too intensely and describe too deeply and possibly even make others feel guilty about being overwhelmed with and by me. So, now they’re gone. Friends. Family. Even a first middle school aged boy that I liked – and who I believe liked me – even he and his wife won’t accept my friend request on Facebook. Really? And a friend of years has totally quit me. A friend since middle school and who was there for all the important wonderful new stuff, as well as the rough times, and vice versa.

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I think it’s the Bipolar and the intensity that comes along with it. Even though I’d never wish it on my worst enemy, I have often thought that if people could spend a week inside my mind, my body, they could sorta understand. But I can’t do that, obviously, so people seem to continue slipping away instead. I even fear the folks I have left will soon be gone. I’ve deleted my meetup groups. I don’t have it in me to make new friends, only to lose them. Damn. I’m exhausted. Just so tired of it. Actually, I’m just plain sad. Sad and broken hearted. 💔

Catch Up

Catch Up. 4.26.18

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Hi, all. Just wanted to drop a quick line letting you know I’ve been busy with unexpected travel three times this month, two of which were deaths in the family.

I’m in a lot of physical pain, and I’ve been hit with bad news after bad news. This weekend, I’m going to try to catch up and share a bit about this last month, as well as some thoughts on two HBO documentaries, and another I found on Amazon Streaming when searching “Bipolar.”

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The documentaries are Off Label, I Am Evidence and Being Bipolar.

Thought I might also share some tips that help me stay sane and productive, with as little anxiety as possible while traveling.

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I write all of this as a preview for readers, but mostly as a reminder to myself. That leads me to ask you a question.

*When you are down, does your memory suffer? If so, why do you think that is?*