Running Running Running

6.4.19 blog entry

I am doing something that I’ve come to understand as the only means I can do what I need to do in life. What is it I’m doing? I’m on the go, go, go! Move your ass mode! πŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸ‘©β€πŸ’»πŸ³Β Writing, chores, cooking… stuff that piles up when you have days during which you can do nothing.

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Hypomanic, trying to steer clear of full-blown mania. I have family watching to tell me if I’m rocketing out of the stratosphere πŸš€and letting me know it’s time for PRN meds.

For now, I’m good, but coming down hurts. It hurts mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. It’s true that my mental health affects my physical health affects my mental health affects my physical health. πŸ”

Here’s the deal though, when I’m physically and mentally down for at least half of my days, if not more, then those days that rarely come along when I can just dial it up to 11, I have to do so. It’s the only way I survive and keep my household flowing and family taken care of, even though it’s also breaking me down at a faster rate. Do I need a better plan? Yes. I’m not a fool. However, I haven’t found anything else that works, and I’ve tried for decades, even with help from doctors and therapists.

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Feel free to comment on how you make it work if you’d like. I always welcome respectful comments and conversations with me and among you guys if you wish to talk to one another. Love to you all. βœŒπŸŽ—

My Easter, How About Yours

4.22.19 blog entry ~ Easter

Hey, guys. How are we? Holidays can be full of varying emotions. Everyone make it through okay? Anyone need to talk?

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I messed up. I did a lot of physical household chores, and then computer help for my mom, stuff like that. Did this Friday and Saturday. I was feeling hypomanic, so I took advantage of the energy and got stuff done, but Sunday morning, I couldn’t attend Easter services, and that bummed me. I was physically hurting too much, and in the three days prior, combined total I had four hours sleep. However, we watched The Passion of the Christ at home, and I sobbed. We prayed. I managed to make Easter lunch – pasta. Lol.

Today, I’m trying not to fall into full-on dysphoric mania. I’ve been quite close, because I feel so much rage and want to smash something. Therefore, I purposefully tried slowing myself down with calming strategies and PRN anxiety meds. I’m pleased to report everyone in my home still has their heads intact. Yay for small miracles.

I will mention, I tried connecting with my supposed best friend of years and my sister, and neither replied. Again. Just give up, Jen! They didn’t care when I was in the hospital, or when I sent them images of my son’s graduation photos, which hurt me dearly. (Especially the latter.) I’ve tried so many times, but they flat ignore me. I want to send them each a message. However, I do not want to send something in this mood and possibly later regret it. So, I’ll reassess later. Maybe have a friend read it before I send it. Sometimes though, I feel like this is the mood in which I’m most honest and not trying to sugarcoat things and make the necessary excuses for them.

So yeah, I had a lovely Easter with my family, and I even went to a shop in town on Saturday and picked up a few comics on sale and talked to the owners about the SA Comic Con. That was really cool.

But I will have to eventually send the two ladies I was talking about a letter listing my hurt feelings but offering forgiveness and wishing well being, just so that I can gain the closure I need. Closure and the act of letting go can be cathartic.

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Maybe I could write the letters and not send them.

Overall, I’m good.

Off subject, you guys gonna see Avengers Endgame this weekend?

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Love you all. Take care. ✌

 

πŸ“Έ: Google images

Mental vs Physical and the Role Stigma Plays

Agree or Disagree? Thoughts?

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(Photo credit nami_westside_los_angeles)

I find this list fitting my experiences. I think a lot of the reason I have been treated differently regarding physical illness vs mental illness is due to stigma. Still.

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We are still struggling with the stigma. Being a hundred percent honest, I don’t know how we are going to end it, but I know I’m ready to work for it. πŸŽ—βž°

Aftermath – Crummy Days

So, I tried to think of something interesting to write about, but there won’t be a long entry this time. I’m too tired, and the energy I do have needs to be allocated elsewhere for now. However, hopefully this entry is still useful to understand how depleting manic episodes are and how after you move through and past them, you are not only depleted mentally and emotionally, but physically as well. So, here’s today’s photo. This is simply me making my way back toward middle ground, where I need to be…no depression, no mania. Manageable anxiety and sleep, even if it happens opposite the hours of others around me.

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Peace and love to you all, guys. xo

Alone Time? Pffffft!

Let me say this.

When I think of a doctor’s appointment, and the drive is 1-hr each way…and I’m excited to have that time alone (again, I am talking about driving to see a doctor) …I’m guessing I need to get out on my own a little more often.

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Sensory overload can be a real problem. I just need everyone and everything near me to hush. Like immediately. Even myself!

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Yeah. I’ll pencil that into my oh-so-empty calendar.Β