12.14.18 blog entry
Watching an HBO documentary called Out of Mind, Out of Sight. It is about mentally ill patients who have committed some sort of crime and are now in Forensic Psychiatric Hospitals. (These were once called Asylums for the Criminally Insane.) They interview patients and staff, get into stories of how these folks ended up where they are, and how some patients have even gone missing or been killed in these type settings. It’s a must watch because mental illness and the justice system are a community issue, not just that family’s down the Street problem.
And for myself, mentally ill as I am, it scares me that I could end up in such a place. Does that ever scare y’all?
So yeah… a couple of hours ago I posted about wanting to run and hide.
I had told family and friends that I filled out an application to be a CASA volunteer. I did not receive any immediate support, encouragement or ‘atta boys. More importantly, my enemy, Bipolar Disorder, immediately began yelling at me saying I’m no good, what possible help can I be because I’m screwed up myself, who do I think I am…
Few hours later after an anxiety attack, sweats and vomiting, I came to this conclusion. Because of being *screwed up* I am a great candidate.
Unfortunately, I know all about abuse, CPS, therapies for children, court dates, placement visits and juvenile justice.
So… I don’t care. The enemy can kiss my ass. I am moving forward with it, if CASA will have me.