Gotta Breathe ~ 5.7.18
Hey, guys. Just a quick shout-out to all of the new followers in this last week or so. I’m sorry I hadn’t posted many blog entries in this last month and a half, but our family has experienced three losses, and we’ve been traveling and attending funerals, as well as one seminar. Just quite busy.
Anyway, what I wanted to mention is today I had my second epidural injection of Lidocaine in my back in order to help with chronic pain in my lower left back since three surgeries, and in order to help with fibromyalgia.
During this injection, apparently when the pain was quite intense, I was forgetting to breathe. So the doctor very wisely reminded me to do so, and I began taking in deep breaths and exhaling out. Within a few minutes, I was feeling much better and I was able to control the pain that I was feeling and my reactions to it for the rest of the time until the procedure was finished. Afterward, it reminded me of how we (those with mental health issues) are supposed to take care of ourselves with self-care daily, just as we do stretching, walking, biking, water aerobics, and just like we hit the gym – we are also supposed to do some deep breathing exercises, some progressive muscle relaxation, some guided meditation, listening to calm music & calm sounds – that kind of thing to help us keep a baseline of calm and to help us have the tools and equipment to later in the day handle any anxiety that comes up and any unforeseen difficult circumstances. The idea behind all of this is that because we practice self-care in those ways everyday, it will be an immediate reaction to help us get through the acute times of emotional angst and pain.
So, hopefully today I received an epidural injection that will help with my back pain in just a few days, and I know I definitely received a great reminder because I had forgotten to be doing the daily deep breathing and other exercises that can help.
Tell me, is there anything in particular that helps you with mental & emotional health self-care each day? I’d love to hear about it.
(image: Pinterest, saved by Nevine Sultan, PhD, NCC, LPC)
During whatever kind of insomnia-induced, overly-emotional, hyper-anxious, paranoid episode I’ve been in over the last several days, one thing I did not miss is politics… and generally speaking, what’s happening in the world.
Have I found a plus to my Bipolar experience? Hardly.
Lemons and lemonade, people.
So, I tried to think of something interesting to write about, but there won’t be a long entry this time. I’m too tired, and the energy I do have needs to be allocated elsewhere for now. However, hopefully this entry is still useful to understand how depleting manic episodes are and how after you move through and past them, you are not only depleted mentally and emotionally, but physically as well. So, here’s today’s photo. This is simply me making my way back toward middle ground, where I need to be…no depression, no mania. Manageable anxiety and sleep, even if it happens opposite the hours of others around me.
Peace and love to you all, guys. xo
So yeah, I lost a couple of days. Little to no memories.
I remember last week starting to feel anxious and paranoid Wednesday or Thursday. I know Friday my family and I went to dinner and a movie. There was one thing that triggered me apparently, and it was just a simple joking around and playing around kind of thing with my son accidentally hitting the car window with his arm. I jolted. Like lightning struck my brain and every nerve ending was ablaze. I don’t know what happened exactly but I went somewhere. In my mind kind of somewhere. I can’t tell you where, but I have some guesses. There are periods of time in my past that involve abuse. Anyway, during the one hour drive home, I had totally changed.
When I got home I was ranting and raving and at one point started throwing things. I remember starting to yell a little bit and from there I do not know. Apparently I cleaned up my mess, and apologized, and went to bed, rather I tried to go to bed. I didn’t get any sleep that was restful, helpful or beneficial. In fact, I woke up incredibly anxious and paranoid after five or ten minute sleep bouts. I cried. I was convinced someone was trying to kill my cat.
Finally after several PRN meds, I fell asleep for a few hours.
I felt certain we were on a trip to the nearest mental health hospital on Saturday. However, I managed to make it through, while staying home. I took medicine and slept as best I could. I was just trying to rest and survive. It was just that drowsy, medicated, exhausting & trying to calm down kind of day. Horrible. I don’t remember anything that I did, or my family did. Don’t recall eating. Think I missed my nightly meds. God only knows, truly, as well as people who are subject to these kinds of situations and issues. If you’re not one of them, there’s no way for you to understand how lucky you are.
This is now 10 o’clock-ish on Sunday night and just now starting to feel back to my healthy and better self. We will see what tomorrow brings. That is always a fear, because I don’t know if tomorrow will find joy and productivity, or if for some reason I experience what I’ve had the last couple days. I never know.
I pray tomorrow finds me even better.
That’s always the prayer. Always the hope.
So, my son finds it amusing She-Hulk’s human name is Jennifer. It’s quite funny among the four of us. Tick her off, and no more Jennifer…only the action-packed She-Hulk!
Whatever…I already have the green eyes and tons of thick, dark hair. I’m down with it.
Listen though, if I am leasing space in the Marvel World, I insist on meeting Loki.💚💚💚