Reasons I’m Glad I Did Not Commit Suicide.
– Love for my family.
– Specifically speaking of my son, because if there is suicide in your family, you’re more likely to take your own life. Add to that, he too has Bipolar Disorder, that would set up disaster for him.
– Simple things, though they may sound silly or trivial, but honestly – birds, flowers, rivers & oceans & swimming, pizza 🍕, music, arts and crafts, and every once in awhile, writing something halfway decent.
– Happy to help just one person out there know they are not alone in having Bipolar, or any Mental Illness, or Chronic Illness, for that matter.
Reason I’m Afraid I Will Eventually Commit Suicide.
– Because I have Bipolar Disorder 1 with Psychosis & I Am Tired.
Please feel free to post here with feelings, thoughts, experiences…..
Know that you are not alone. WE ARE NOT ALONE, and though there is still a long way to go, we are gaining ground and speaking out.
Let’s start yelling! 🗣
Keep fighting! 👊
Take care of yourselves and each other & treat yourself gently. Rock on, people. ✌💛
Still struggling… with moments of being okay. I’m aiming for contentment. Almost there. Just flying high and plunging way too low, way too quick, back to back. Tired… and the physical pain – forget about it.
(Photo credit nerdist.com)
Feeling defeated at times. Still know I’ll be okay. Thank God I’ve not lost the plot 100% and that I know that deep inside somewhere.
How are you, friends? Take care of yourselves and each other. Let us know here if you need help. 💛🙏✌
Why I am suicidal ~~~
First, people need to understand, many who struggle with being suicidal, don’t have a bad day, a bad week, even a bad month with suicidal ideation, then poof!! it’s gone. It is always there.
Good days, still suicidal.
Bad days, you guessed it…..
The problem is that, at least for me personally, it’s viewed as an *option* that will eliminate the pain. Never mind hurting family, and children having higher percentages of suicide after a parent does so.
It feels like an option. Just like therapy, meditation and grounding, and medication.
If it gets too bad, I can always swallow all those pills and at least a half dozen other ways to successfully, ultimately be done with this.
“This,” you ask. Yes, THIS.
This pain, this battle, this heartbreak.
So, I can have THE best day and at its end, in the quiet, I still think, “You know, that’s one way I could commit suicide, it’s not too messy, and seems doable.” Then, automatically, it’s locked away. Saved on the hard drive.
Scarier than that? It usually no longer upsets me when I think about it. It is a part of me.
I wonder if it will ever feel like a foreign and dangerous idea.
Pic for Today (trying to snap selfie with each blog entry)
Hey guys. I’ve not been around a lot. Thanks for sticking with me, though. I try to write an entry while in every mood. That’s the point of this blog, telling others what it’s like to be in a certain mood because of the cruddy Bipolar cards I’ve been dealt – maybe help educate folks, and hopefully help others going through this to know they’re not alone.
Bipolar consists of, for me at least, being run through so many moods and intensities of those moods. Mania, Hypomania, Psychosis (not all Bipolars), which include hallucinations and paranoia, Depression and Anxiety.
Right now, I’m in depression and anxiety hell.
I have family suffering. I mean, agony. Something awful happened to them…a hit and run accident, and someone far too young lost his life. He did something incredible and helped 81 people because he was an organ and tissue donor, though. God bless his sweet heart and soul. ❤💔
Regarding myself, I have found out a lot of troubling, really devastating, information about my dad. He’s passed. He passed away when I was 15, (40 now) so I can’t really talk to him about it now, you know. Or say for example, slap the hell out of him.
My physical health…please. I hurt so badly. Things are aching, inflamed, can’t get over a virus/bug/cold/allergy/whatever that I’ve had for the last three, almost four months.
So, what am I trying to do to get through these days? Grounding work. Be outside. Read comics. Scrabble online. Writing. Spending one-on-one time with my son, who made me Blueberry muffins last night – so cool! And prayer. Also, taking PRN med – anxiety med if needed, and booking some therapy sessions.
I’ve also found a fitness center that has several arthritis classes, warm pool free swim, warm pool aerobic classes, sauna, nutritionist and massage therapist. Hello, right! Help for many issues – inflammation and fibromyalgia being two heavy hitters. Weight loss, too. And time on my own. Another homerun! Outta the park! ⚾⚾⚾
I’m tired. I’m sad. So sad. So confused. So angry. But hoping it will soon change. Doing the stuff I know to do. And breathing.
Just keep swimming…just keep swimming 🎵🎶🎙🎶🎵🎙~ Dory, a smart little blue fish
Peace and love, guys. xx
Remember, always reach out if you need help.
I read this on my Twitter acct. @JenM_Curry
( credit @WeMHNurses & @EndTheStigma_ie )
I hadn’t thought much about Type 3. Interesting.
Any thoughts from you guys?