Rambling About Creativity in the Dark

Some say that it’s a gift this Bipolar, but it is most certainly, and without question, a curse. And the thing is it’s only a gift (a perk, if you will) because apparently many of us with Bipolar are creative, artistic and quite intelligent. Additionally, according to some tests, because they’re always doing tests, and who the heck is they… one of zillion tests bouncing around out there, we’re spiritual, empathetic and resilient. I guess I could agree with resilient, at least for myself, if for no other reason than I wanna piss off all the voices that say it would be really simple to down all of those pills, blah, blah.

Anyway, I digress.

I was thinking about how important sleep is, not only to help heal our bodies, but also to allow our minds a respite, rest, sleep and healing. Yet, there are many, many nights when I have my best revelations and inspirations at 2:00 in the morning. I think of different art pieces I’d like to attempt, or different ideas for my two YT channels. And this can 100% be separate from racing thoughts. Sure, I deal with racing thoughts, obsessive thoughts, and the really fun nights when they melt together in a gooey oozy thingamajig, and you know you’re not gonna get one second of sleep. Yes, I’m kind of rambling, but I also kinda have a point. An observation, if you will. I’m saying that some nights it’s not hypomania, it’s not racing or obsessive thoughts, and yet I still have the best of my creative ideas pop into my head when the sun goes down and the moon comes out to play. Then, I wake up and I manage and function throughout my days and they can be good days, but where are the freaking magical, brilliant thoughts and ideas that visit me in the dark?!?!

Curse you Bipolar! (oh…wait…)

Thanks to you all for reading, and please feel free to check out my videos on Jen Talks Bipolar and Pain & a booktube channel Jen Talks Books. The fun is just getting started!

What are you guys up to these days? I’m so glad to be back!

 

 

Stigma. Still.

This was found on FB.

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What are your thoughts?

I’m thinking we still have a long way to go regarding Mental Illness Stigma. Even my own husband laughed when reading it, and he’s seen me go to a mental health hospital three times. My point?

Is it that ingrained in our minds? Even minds that should know better?

10.10 Conversations

Share something you’ve personally experienecd, or a way you’ve helped, regarding mental health on Tuesday, 10.10. World Mental Health Day.

Me? I wanted to give up. To actively choose no longer having to face this agony called Bipolar Disorder, and all that comes with it. I chose to draw on my strengths and faith, and live for my son. Depression’s lies and beatings didn’t cause me to be the worst thing to happen to my son. I’m around, and not perfect, but I’m around. And I know what it is for a parent to be gone while you’re still a kid.

So, I fought, and eventually, even thrived. And it is something I actively choose to do over and over again.

All for my son.

Sitting in Quiet, Thinking of Carrie Fisher

I am sitting here in my bedroom in absolute quiet and stillness. It’s lovely.

Usually, I have a problem with silence, because it quickly becomes a cluster of anxiety, worries and fears. This, tonight, has been nice.

I would also like to share that I saw Carrie Fisher’s last magazine cover for Star Wars: Last Jedi, coming to theaters Christmas of 2017, I believe.

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I wanted to give her a shout-out and yell thank you for her books and efforts towards breaking through mental health stigma.

Then, I would flip her off, because she loved giving people the bird, too.

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Then, I would wish her well, wherever she is, in peace… no more meds, no more ECT treatments, no more Bipolar. A place where she is her funny, brilliant, beautiful soul.

Thank you, Carrie.

 

 

Working It OUT!!!

Working It OUT, outside. I’m feeling low, and the yard needs watering. Out, I went. Felt good seeing that the cardinal families have returned. Tons of birds out. Spread birdseed. They bathed in the sprinklers. I watered the sage and shrubs. Decided what plants are going into the walkway area.

Being outside, working with my hands, smelling the earth, feeling grass blades…it’s all so good for the blues I suffer with Bipolar Disorder. Not all the time, but hey, today I take the win!!

And the yard and birds benefit, too.