I Made A Cute Christmas Tree As A Way To Cope YouTube Video

December 12, 2019 ~

Hey guys! I’m feeling so much better. I made a cute Christmas Tree to get outta my funk. In my latest YouTube video I discuss various coping strategies that help me. I would love it if you guys would check it out. It’s nice to put a face with the name, or blog name, as it were.

How are you doing? How is the holiday season treating you? Holidays can be difficult for some. Wishing you all well.

 

Building a Bipolar and MI Community

Hey guys. Please check out my latest YT video. I hope you want to stick around as we grow. If so, please Subscribe. I hope you Like it and indicate that with the thumbs up, and please feel free to Share. Any Comments are appreciated as well. All of that groovy stuff helps the channel get recommended to others.

And how are you all? I hope to hear from you. I hope you are well. We’ve got to stick together.

 

Kitty Cat Sleep Elsewhere

Monday, 12.2.19 blog entry

Does it really have to be like this?

My pain management doctor’s office had not been sending me invoices (address screw up) and allowing my outstanding balance to grow. Exponentially! Even though I see the doctor at least once a month and pay a $45 specialist copay, they never told that this balance existed. So, about a week and a half ago, I’m supposed to go in for a procedure, and I’m told on the phone I cannot until I pay my balance. Why they didn’t call before then, I don’t know. Anyway, having no clue what kind of number I was about to hear, I was like, “sure, no problem, how much?” They responded with $665!!! And even though at first they told me I had to pay half of it in order to schedule the procedure and receive medication refills, now today when I call them to pay, they say a new office policy has taken effect. I must now pay all of it, then I can schedule my procedures and a follow up visit and receive prescriptions. They also said from this point forward, every time one pays the copay, if there’s any outstanding balance from past visits that the insurance didn’t cover, one will have to pay that amount at that time. I thanked them for that last bit and said it was a fabulous idea and that every other doctor I’ve ever seen does that so that this does not happen. I admit, I’m sure I had a sarcastic tone. So, it’s there horrendous policy and poor attempts at addressing the issue and communication in general that allowed this balance to become what it is in the first place, and they’ve told me this is happening to many patients, yet they offer no payment plan to help these patients out, knowing when it’s all paid off, the new policy will be in effect. What sort of twisted fuckery is this?! Sorry, but that’s what it is. I don’t know many people who have a free $665 sitting around to slap down, but I need to see my doctor so badly for wrist and shoulder injections. We have our car set to be repaired on December 30th, and I don’t know which one I’m paying first.

My son put it to me quite simply. “Which is more important.” To which I told him that it depended on which point of view you take.

I’m furious. I’m livid. I’m honestly without words, which isn’t so swell for a blog writer, but hey, I’m calling a spade a spade.

Meanwhile, I’m having problems with my psychiatric meds. The psychiatrist told me I could increase the dosage on one med if I needed to – not gonna go into it because my wrist is hurting typing this, and I need to get moving – but the point is that I did. Now, when I’m calling requesting an earlier refill, the front desk rep is not understanding what I’m saying in trying to explain to her why it needs to be refilled early. She said even if the doctor does refill it, I have to pay an extra fee for refilling said med before seeing him again. Nope. Ain’t happening, honey. So, I gotta stay on that.

And then, for extra fun, we had to put some stop payments on some items in my mom’s checking account. I took care of it last Wednesday. She got paid Friday. Today, we woke up to $0 in her account!!!! Yes, since Friday, she’s had $1,500, now we wake to $0 because the items we placed the stop payments on (plus other auto pay bills) went through. And, we had deposited some of our money into her account as well because right now, all monies are being pooled together what with the holidays and car repair, etc. So, they will give us our money back, but it could take up to 10 business days as it must go through claims. WHAT????!!!!

Ridiculous. So, I’m making and selling Christmas decorations despite my wrist and shoulder pain. (Also, selling new and gently used clothes, books, etc, on online garage sales through FaceBook – whatever I can to make money to make ends meet until we get our money refunded.) My son was nice enough to pay for my mom’s copay for a doctor she saw today. We have a few groceries. Electric bill isn’t due for another week. We’ll make it. I’ll figure it out as I always do.

But really… should hard working people who pay their taxes and meet their responsibilities, people who are disabled, should it be this hard for them to receive care?

I just wanna smash something. So, I advised the cat to sleep elsewhere. LOL. Kidding. Gotta laugh or you’ll cry.

blog rp pic

when it rains, it pours TRUTH

it’s been quite a long time since I have updated you guys. If you are someone with bipolar or someone who suffers with depression you can understand why I have not posted in a month. I have been going through a lot. My family has as well, but mostly I’m going to be speaking about myself… my part. It’s just been a month of depression due to being out of meds for two weeks and then playing catch up and trying to mentally level back out after getting the meds back. But then on top of that there’s been a lot of physical pain and a lot of spiritual, mental health as well as physical health issues. Financial issues too.

lately the circumstances of my life seem keen to prove to me the legitimacy of the saying, “when it rains, it pours.”

one of the biggest issues – my pain management doctor’s office called me yesterday before my appointment to let me know that I had a $665 balance with them and that they would not see me until I have that paid… in full. At which point I asked does that mean no medication refills as well to which they replied, yes. They claim they have been sending bills to my address (I have not received a bill) but my main question was… if I’ve been a client of yours for 3 1/2 years, why in the world would you know that I would pay my bills and then just decide to stop all the sudden and not pay the $665. And when I was checking in for my appointments (almost monthly) why didn’t anyone ever flag me and let me know my outstanding balance was/is building up. So, I’m furious and angry and upset and just so downtrodden and worried and sad about that. I wanna scream and cry all at once. one reason I’ve not written many blog entries lately is due to the pain in my hand. I was supposed to receive an injection for it yesterday, but then I got that call.

as for the issues my husband and i are facing, we did have a date night a couple of days ago. had dessert at ihop and started some interesting and fun conversations using “conversation starters for couples.” it’s from gary chapman, and i love the devotional he did with his wife. we have had a few pitfalls already since deciding to stay together and work it out. in particular, there was a decision he made solely without discussing it with me, and it cost us a significant amount of money we just don’t have right now. he also lied to me. nothing huge, what kids would call little white lies (or is that grandparents who say that) and the white lie was done because he was fearful it would make me think I should go through with the separation. i get that fear, but now is absolutely not the time to lie to me. but we talked and sorted through it. and as soon as we are financially able to see a therapist, we will. i guess the the point is, we’re working on communication.

we’re doing a different thanksgiving this year for a few reasons. we’re going to have two or three papa murphy’s take and bake pizzas and their garlic cheese bread, as well as birthday cake and ice cream for my mom. we will do that wednesday, then hit a movie or two on Thanksgiving. what about you guys that celebrate? what are your plans?

do y’all do black friday sales? me – only online!

(image credit: LJworld.com)

Making The Most

Lots of energy has swooped in tonight. Actually, started yesterday. Being careful it doesn’t spiral me out of control the other way. Depression’s messy complete opposite, Mania. However, I did go ahead and take advantage and get some work done, such as laundry, cooking, adding pics of stuff to online garage sale, etc. Might as well do something instead of sitting there… not sleeping.

I think I personally have to make the most of the energy when I can to stay on top of things, even if everyone else is sleeping. Any of you guys do this,

Whoa That Came Out Of Nowhere

10.15.19 blog entry

So, this is a vulnerable but honest and important entry. It’s necessary to discuss this part of Bipolar.

My mood has not been consistent for a while now, but it hasn’t been too terrible as far as extremes. I’m functioning. I’m not always thrilled about it. Sometimes I move too fast and say something I regret, or I exacerbate my fibromyalgia and physically hurt more than normal, but I’m functioning.

Then, boom!

Two nights ago, some serious mania and psychosis set in, full on with hallucinations of someone who was not really there, and then (and this is the part I’m afraid to share but will…) I really wanted to score some cocaine and have enough for a few days. I’ve not done cocaine in over two decades, and I never have a desire to do so. Yet, there it was. Of course, I have no money and more importantly, don’t know anyone who does or sells cocaine. I mean, obviously. Why would I? I used the drug when I was 16 years old for a six month time span relatively soon after my dad’s sudden, unexpected death. My home environment at the time was terrible. Mom always depressed in bed or gone to work, leaving me with a drunken step-father who… and I kid you not… we later found out was a murderer.

blog cocaine

(Image Credit: flickr)

Look, I’m not trying to say I should have ever done drugs, but I am providing some context for the situation.

Anyway, as I was actually physically itching for it, it occurred to me I could crush some of my pain pills and snort them. Now, thank goodness I didn’t totally lose the plot. I spoke to a friend for a while, and gave my meds to my husband. And I took care of the hallucination in the short hallway from our room to our bathroom by simply turning on the light. I took two PRN meds I’m allowed to take per my doctor (PRN meds to help sedate and even things out for issues just like this) and took a couple of Melatonin and fell asleep (finally!) around 6 or 7 a.m. and slept a good, long while. I woke and everything was back to normal. Whatever Bipolar-normal is… sigh.

I think maybe one thing that led to it is my sleeping cycle has become so much worse. Luckily, I was able to secure an appointment with my psychiatrist next week, and I’ll relay all of this, and we’ll work on preventing this from happening again because it was as if a whole new person had taken over my body.

But that’s the trouble with Bipolar. Does that shit to you sometimes. I hate it.

Just An Update

Just An Update 10.1.19

So today has been much better, and I truly believe it is because last night I forced myself to sketch and write. Nothing grand came from that, but it got the creative juices flowing. Now I’m not saying I can live without meds, Lord knows, but I am saying I have a much better shot at maintaining a level mood if I’m creating something.

For me, it is part of self-care. As important as showering, applying makeup (that’s a personal one for me), stretches and light exercise, trying to eat okay, and finally, trying to get some sleep and taking my meds. And because I did that, today I watched a class on skillshare about starting a youtube channel about MH. I am writing this blog. I worked on making some decorations I plan to sell. I began writing a story. I cooked.

I don’t look forward to tomorrow because I have to go have nerve testing done on my arms, but I plan to just chill afterward and listen to a book. By the way, if you’ve read The Handmaid’s Tale, you MUST read Margaret Atwood’s follow-up, The Testaments. Turns everything you thought you knew about The Handmaid’s Tale on its side! Fantastic read or listen. I listened on Audible.

Anyway, I’m rambling. Just wanted to share I’m better today, and how I think I got there. And just want to say hi to you guys and hope you’ve had a great day.

How are you? Who else is eagerly awaiting Shane Dawson’s new series with episode one posting today, 10/1/19?

Love to you all. xoxo

(Image credit: randomhouse)