Hold. On. Pain. Ends.
Ends? I think it becomes more manageable. I’m not sure it ends.
So, I just watched a movie called “Rememory.” After finishing this grand-scoped, thought-provoking movie, I was left pondering this question while dabbing at tears.
If you could erase heartbreaking, devastating, tragic memories, would you do it?
How would that change you as a person? How would that affect who you are now?
And a somewhat different question – are some memories, some events, best left forgotten. Best buried as a way for your mind to protect you?
Okay, so I lied. I posed more than one question. Four or five, I guess.
Another movie years back had me kicking ideas around like this. I’m quite certain it was the film’s intention, of course, and well done. “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” Did you see it?
I think I need all of my memories, despite knowing I have been robbed of some. Possibly I should edit the word “despite” and instead use “especially.”
I need my memories because even the bad have a reason of existing. Bad forces me to appreciate good. Loss helps me recognize what beauty I do have.
So yeah, even if I could push the button that wipes away all bad, I would not press it. Though, I will readily, and with speed, advise you to hide that button from me because tomorrow, I could most vehemently disagree with what I think now, and smack that sucker in efforts to rid myself of the burdens and pains of the day.
At the end of the blog entry called Stress/Pain Cycle, I mentioned I would be doing a follow-up entry, this time coming up eith ideas to hopefully prevent, or at least manage, the cycle’s snowball effect somewhat better. I need to figure out a way to prevent the stress the initial inicident causes, such as Fibromyalgia flare-ups and increasing my back pain and arthritic pain. And oh!! The migraines! Additionally, I need to figure out, once I do find myself in the cycle, how to lessen the physical pain I am feeling.
Today the physical pain is somewhat better. That is because I avoided the root problem of what caused this latest cycle. Basically, that’s saying that I hid in my room and didn’t have interaction with my mother. However, as the day wears on, I am starting to feel more more physical pain.
Now once I have the pain, I know that I can use anti-inflammatory gel, medication that has been prescribed to me, heating pads, stretches, and mld exercise. Those things tend to help the physical pain, in addition to employing grounding exercises and prayer. Basically, if I can calm my emotional pain somewhat, then the physical pain gets better. Bottom line, after all, is that it’s all painful. I learned techniques for chronic pain relief at a pain management clinic, such as biofeedback. This part of the cycle I have a better hold on and ideas how to handle it.
The major problem I face is how to manage the stressor/trigger in the first place. This proves more difficult in that my mother, and her numerous needs, lives with me. I need to establish boundaries and try to stick to them. I also need to use the grounding techniques using all five senses and being present in the moment three times a day instead of once. Next step is to speak to my therapist because, as you can see, I need help and advice.
Have you been through similar? Any thoughts/feedback?