Down In It

I’m not good. Something’s not right. Won’t sleep for a couple of days, then go to sleep not remembering a lot of the time I was awake. Thank God I have my husband and mom to be sure I don’t do something off the grid ridiculous. I’m convinced that’s the only reason why I’ve not done some really crazy stuff in the past that I know I’m capable of when hypomanic and manic. And the added pressure of my son seeing me off my game and emotionally turned upside down weighs so heavily. Because, you see, now he’s feeling down. I tell you, we’ve been doing this long enough, he and I, mom and son, Bipolar and Bipolar, I know my emotional absence and far out, screwed up head the last few days (which I know has been at least hypomania) affects him. Then, I get scared for him. Anxiety builds. Snowball, snowball, snowball… & there’s an expression about a snowball’s chance in hell. I better pull it together soon.