Share in September

September is Suicide Prevention Month

In the coming days, I’m going to share my struggle with suicidal ideation and near-attempts.

Please, this month, and any month for that matter, share your story. It will help you, and it will help others.

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It is imperative we remember we are not alone. ✌

The Struggle Is Blah Blah Blah

8.26.18

Still struggling… with moments of being okay. I’m aiming for contentment. Almost there. Just flying high and plunging way too low, way too quick, back to back. Tired… and the physical pain – forget about it.

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(Photo credit nerdist.com)

Feeling defeated at times. Still know I’ll be okay. Thank God I’ve not lost the plot 100% and that I know that deep inside somewhere.

How are you, friends? Take care of yourselves and each other. Let us know here if you need help. 💛🙏✌

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The Wall

I’ve not given up writing or on the blog. I’m just so tired from being in so much physical pain. It is absolutely essential I do the best I can to keep my mental and emotional health in check.

Sometimes, writing and sharing feel overwhelming. So, my only choice just now is to share that bit with you.

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(Image credit Dax Fit Life.)

How are you guys doing? What do you do when you hit this wall?

Take care of yourselves and each other. ✌🙏💛

Hey Houston

Hey, Houston ~ 8.13.18

I’ve had a few steroid injections as of late, and as ever, troubles followed.

“Houston, We Have a Problem.”

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Not sleeping. Acting out of character. Not paying enough attention to finances.

At least so far it’s been a “giddy” euphoric mania, not dysphoric and rageful.

Only good thing is that I’ve been a lot more artistic, especially with writing. Those things tend to become dulled for those of us with this disease and the taking of mood stabilizers.

I can’t let it go on too much longer or become more intense. If that happens, I could easily be introduced to a behavioral hospital in San Antonio for the first time. I’d prefer not. Sigh.

At least, I recognize it. I’ve got family and friends helping me keep in check. It’s a trade-off. No steroid injections, the more intense the physical pain.

I could say the dilemma is unfair as hell, but I digress. Others are going through worse, and I knew this was a gamble. Still sucks, though.

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Take care of yourselves and others, guys. ✌💛🙏

On Top to Crushed

On Top to Crushed ~ 7.25.18

It’s as simple as this. A month or two ago, I was on top of the world. Now, I feel crushed by it.

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My bones are becoming dust, and soon I’ll blow away with a heavy storm.

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In keeping true to what I set out to do with this blog, I occasionally add photos conveying mood. Here’s today…and the last couple of weeks.

RESET DAYS

RESET DAYS ~ 4.4.18

Here’s a thing. Well, here are a few things.

There are a few things I notice when I’m starting to tank. Tank, as in, I’m so overwhelmed, it’s a danger to myself.

1. Everything I read on social media infuriates me, even when it’s perfectly nice. It makes no sense, but unfortunately, despite BP being a brain chemistry problem, it affects my emotions. Skews my perception. When my best of friends are saying things that plum piss me off, I finally notice I’m tanking. And by the way, I say piss me off because that’s the truth. Saying it makes me angry doesn’t cut it because “piss” relays that dirty, mean-spirited, nasty factor.

2. I don’t want to get out of bed. Okay, so most days I don’t wanna get outta bed. Like 95% of days. But when it’s so bad I’m afraid to move, even to use the restroom, or feed the cat who we all know I love dearly, then I recognize that, “Houston, we have a problem!”

3. I hurt more everywhere. Physically, I’m discussing here.

So, what do I do now?

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First, I try to maintain a low profile on social media. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but sometimes I fail at this.

Next, I do extra stretches, extra walking outside in the backyard.

I pray and read devotionals.

I listen to my “Peppy Make Me Wanna Move” playlist.

Finally, I call a RESET DAY.

During said reset day, I get lost in a book, as of late an audiobook, and color while listening.

And my loving, supportive family here in the home respects that I need to take the day as I need it. I love them for that.

Then, start over tomorrow. Reset.

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