What is there to do
When you are so alone
That the air leaves the room
And the voices in your head are silenced?
And even a roaring fire
Chills you to the bone
The flowers no longer bloom
And the wilted petals have lost their brilliance?
There’s no more resilience.
There’s only your penance.
Just laying on this bed.
Thinking all sorts of things.
What I could have said.
Now it’s too late.
Like molded bread.
Just want to disappear.
Drag myself right outta here.
Hop in the car, slam the door.
Driving faster and faster,
Pedal to the floor.
Where am I going?
Exactly what is the plan?
Drive till I’m outta gas?
Change my identity in a flash?
Careful to throw every part of me in the trash.
By the time somebody figures out
That I’m gone without a doubt
Gone without a trace
Remembering tears streaming down my face
Too late for you with your clumsy embrace.
Gone, hoping to find a happy place.
By @jenm_curry – 2019
(Twitter & IG accts – @jenm_curry )
*Poem, possible trigger warning*
FIRST by jenm_curry 2018
I was the first born
But I was second choice.
What did I do to make you leave?
Did I talk too much, make too much noise?
I was first wife
But now he’s with number three.
Told the kissing wasn’t quite right
And not enough time on my knees.
I was a first best friend
BFF – best friends for life.
But no texts returned, no calls answered.
Stabbed with a jagged, killer’s knife.
If I was the next one
To reach for the pills or that loaded gun.
Would anyone even notice
That I’m long since gone?
Received some concerning news regarding my MRI. Will update once I’ve digested a bit more. In the meantime, sharing a poem I wrote. If people like it, maybe I’ll share more. Love & Peace. Let’s take care of ourselves and each other. ✌💛🙏
ONCOMING TIDE by @JENM_CURRY 2018
Sitting by the phone
Waiting for a call
From family or a friend
But again, nothing at all.
Staring out the window
Maybe I’ll see a friend’s car
But truth is, they’re not that interested
When things start to fall apart.
See, it’s easier to deal with fun me
The one not rotting inside and out
Easier to go along pretending
Hiding things they’ll never know about.
Sitting in the dark
Hoping for a text
Nothing coming through, though
Except what medically happens next.
(And the doctor, he says more tests.)
Look, as far back as I can remember
Ages four, five, maybe six
Been told I was over-reacting
Hypochondriac, crazy chick!
Family calls me pill-popper
Accused of emptying bank accounts
Not even true. But so what?
That’s not what life is all about.
More and more by myself
Husband works, kid in school
Always dreamt of being something grand
What a misguided, loser, failure, fool.
People say count your blessings
Agreed, and I’ve done that quite a lot
But people continue to disappear
Who I thought were friends are not.
Looking forward to the day
Without weighing best methods of suicide
Days filled with my Savior and no pain
Somewhere on the other side.
(I’ll watch for you in the oncoming tide.)
*photo cred from deviantart by diogomoura*
Once, he said, place their food up high in the tree.
The birds will eat and sing out in merry.
But I knew, deep inside, it was not meant to be.
Tree limbs outstretched to the sky,
But the birds would not eat, they only cried.
With a chill, I felt death all around me.
And I cry for myself, now alone and lonely.