And Still I Feel Weak

So, if I was advising any other friend/person dealing with Bipolar Disorder (and any mental health issues) who was suffering and feeling alone, I would advise them to seek out their support system.

What is My Support System: (most I’ve read are similar & I’ve worked this out with a few medical professionals)

  1. Use coping techniques that I know have worked uniquely for me in the past. (arts and crafts, music, reading, exercise, writing, gardening)
  2. Have fun with a friend. Just get out for a quick lunch and fun chat for 1/2 – 1 hour.
  3. Talk with friends I’ve met who, like me, manage mental health illnesses and issues. (They have a specific set of experiences that can help me when I can’t see clearly.)
  4. Talk with my therapist. (Therapist knows my strengths and weaknesses and how to kick me in the butt, lovingly of course.)
  5. Get an appointment to see my psychiatrist sooner than I already have scheduled, and discuss possible medication issues. (This is key. As many medical professionals that can be involved to help me walk through these times, the better. Medication might be doing me harm, or a med that is working might offer even more benefit if the dosage is increased.)
  6. When all else fails, in this day and time of technology and social media — I just start yelling out wherever and whenever I can that I need help!

With all of that being said, I’ve been dipping really low lately. Dangerously low at some points due to physical illness and pain, and there have been family issues arise that I will address at the appropriate time. Steps 1-6, that I listed up there, for and about me, seem quite reasonable and sound.

So, why did I struggle to reach out to my therapist a couple of weeks back?

Because it still makes me angry that I get so low I have to seek out the help.

~ Me Today ~

20170829_211620

I feel weak.

crisis blog 2

And if I feel weak, even after having dealt with this (including education) for decades, then someone new to this madness could most definitely be terrified to seek help, and have no idea where to begin as far as how to cope.

crisis 3 blog

So, my bottom line. No matter where you are in this process, seek help. Yell it out! Type it out! Go to a doctor, clinic or psychiatrist. See a therapist or try a support group. Or hey, all of the above!

crisis blog 1

Sooo Was Not the Plan (tears falling)

None of us start out this life with the idea suicide will be our end. That suicide could take on the role of friend.

Similarly, I didn’t start out today with suicidal ideation. Thinking about it, feeling tired, wishing to be problem free, wondering how few people would be at my memorial, noticing when I’m sad that I look like my dad, then I really begin to miss Dad.

I just don’t want to be here. Earlier today, I had some good thoughts going on, good plans. Something changed. Like the flipping of a light switch.

So, I’m doing some of the stuff I’m supposed to do. We practically have a checklist if we’ve been to any type of long term mental health care facility/help. We, being Bipolar.

Listening to music (changed my activity) ✔

Wishing friends well & a Happy Easter ✔

Cuddled with the cat ✔

Light exercises/stretches ✔

Checked to be sure I took my meds ✔

Art ✔

I don’t have many words to express what’s going on, but this blog is supposed to describe and show all sides of this blasted curse of a disease ~ Bipolar. I’m going to attach some images with info, as well as three photos depicting how I’ve changed in a matter of hours. One shows a smile. The other two show you where I am currently. I’ve got to document this…cursed thing.