I’m irritated. Badly irritated. Why does this matter, and what is there to discuss about it in a blog? Why is this irritability I’m feeling classified as a symptom of Bipolar VS a “normal” person who feels irritated.
Well, sadly the answer is because my irritability, can quickly change to extreme agitation, and then to even more extreme destructive acts that lead to dangerous places.
Why is this happening? Well, in June, my husband was told he was out of a job at the end of July. Just today, 8/2/17, did he receive an offer from a new job somewhere in the area. So, that’s settled, and really, thanks to God, but it’s been hard not worrying that the worst could happen, because believe me, it has happened. And it will happen again. Second, I have been physically ill. I had to take a Medrol Dospak, which made things all the more intolerable because steroids really mess up most of us with Bipolar. Like have a Manic Episode and buy a car you can’t afford because for a couple of hours it truly does sound like the most logical and necessary choice in the world. Or you might find *some* with Bipolar Manic Episodes having indiscriminate sex and/or extramarital affairs. Hypersexuality is part of mania…(again, for most). Then there was last night, my son, who also has Bipolar Disorder, pushed and hit me. There were also a couple of hours of verbal/emotional abuse and threats.
Do you understand how a person who does NOT suffer with this disorder is irritated and could just slam the drinking glass onto the kitchen top VS Bipolar Irritability, turned agitation, turned stimulation, turned overstimulation, turned outrage ~ all in less than a minute ~ do you understand how the Bipolar’s Irritability can be dangerous? Can you see how it fits in the grand scheme of enhanced, amplified, exaggerated (and by the way, often times lying) emotions of Bipolar? If you can’t, it’s okay, I get it. Sometimes, I don’t even understand it, and I LIVE it. I also live with someone else who has Bipolar.
I chose to write about this because so many people think Bipolar is feeling up and happy for a few hours, then sad the next few hours.
I get so tired of hearing that someone’s dog is Bipolar, because after all, one day he likes that treat in the yellow bag, and one day he does not. It insults those with Bipolar Disorder, and it insults the dog! (As far as the poor hound, give the poor thing a treat from whatever color bag he wants that day. They, like us, only live once!)
I’ve just gotta keep my head down and stay quiet until this passes. That is a discipline you must learn in Bipolar ~ when to retreat, when to hide, when to stay quiet, when to speak up, when to take a stand, and when to take a seat.
At least, that is My Bipolar.
Learn. Love. Peace.