Want To Be Done

5.24.19 blog entry

So, I’m gonna be honest with you guys. I always remind others to reach out for help. Here I am now doing just that. I’m feeling overwhelmed and in pain.

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I feel like my work won’t be published… sort of a “why would that website I’m so interested in want to print what I have to say?” Or, “why would anyone want to buy any decoration I made?”

And I’m so fracking tired of hurting so much, everywhere. I mean seriously, all the physical pain is just eating away at me and causing me to miss out on life.

I feel like a fraud. As happens in life, there have been some unforeseen circumstances that are causing some financial struggles. If we don’t get a hold of it quickly, we will drown.

And I’m frustrated… no, furious… that I can’t help my family.

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I just want it over and done. I don’t want to be on this earth anymore.

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REMOTE ~ 5.21.18

Guess you would have seen with last blog entry, several pills caught my eye. Feeling a bit more… tempted? Felt weaker? Wanted an ending, even if not a great one? Remembered some times that a drink could take the edge off that, or a ton could seal the deal.

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Regardless, it’s obvious I’m off. More than usual. When I am, and I reckon anyone with MH issues, do be careful what you watch.

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Patrick Melrose messed me up today… badly. I knew what I was getting into, but it catapulted me right back to younger years, and it was a doozy. I had to do some deep breathing and take a PRN. But I survived… so far.

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