Nothing

11.11.18 blog entry ~ Nothing

I got nothin’. Nothing really to say.

Preparing for my mom’s birthday, Thanksgiving and the holiday season. In quite a bit of physical pain. Have to go see a neurologist. Another specialist. I’m tired of them. I suppose, well I KNOW, I should be thankful that I have health insurance. So many don’t. Long ago, I heard someone say, “There will always be someone longing to experience your worst day.” I know that’s true. And hey, my son is doing well. My family is well. Hell, the cat is well. My friends are experiencing some struggles.

I think a lot of people experience medical and mental illnesses with more grace than I do. Many, many more. Way more grace. All I want to do sometimes is isolate, and that’s not because I don’t want to be around people; rather, I just want to feel free to feel like hell. I do not feel like I should do that in front of my family.

Anyway, I’m not bad off, but I’m not great. Living in the in between, as I just heard in a show last night called Picnic at Hanging Rock. Novel and movie before this Amazon series, yes. Australian folklore.

Anyway, one character mentioned to another that they need to live in the world of in between. Sounds exhausting to me, quite frankly.

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Anyway, I’m going to see the pain management specialist tomorrow. That will help a bit. We plan to see the latest version of The Grinch this week. The one with Benedict Cumberbatch. Do a little Christmas shopping, maybe.

Guess I had a little more than nothing, as it turned out.

Take care of yourselves and each other, guys. Love & Peace always. 💙✌🙏

14 Reasons in the Wrong Direction

I don’t even know what to type. Struggling tonight. I went outside to water the flowers I’m growing, and it hit me I might have to leave this home, and soon. I’m just sad. Not necessarily anxious, just sad. I know that when I began this blog, I said I would try to chronicle the ups and downs, depression and mania, as well as anxiety and occasional paranoia. So, I’m here. I’m chronicling. I’m talking. I just have nothing to say. I’m sad. I’m feeling the whole…”it’s not fair” gig. I’m trying my best to follow the 14 coping techniques I mentioned in the last entry, but honestly, right now I could write a whopping 114 reasons why I should give up. 114 reasons why life’s not fair. Look, I know these are feelings, not facts. I know I’ll get better. I know there are silver linings and that God has a plan. But speaking in truth, I’m just plain old sad right now. And even more honest… I’m somewhat angry.

Just keep swimming. What can I say? Dory is a smart fish.

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