Usually, I enjoy the quiet when everyone in the house has gone to bed. It’s nice as I can real quick-like freak out because of overstimulation. People talking too loud. Too much action on the tv. Accidentally reading something stressful. Just too much movement, noise and…well, chaos.
However, tonight with the sun down and everyone asleep, I feel incredibly lonely. That tends to not go all that well for me, because some crapola from my past sneaks in and floors me. Sometimes, I can sort through it using the toolbox my therapist and I built. The other times, nothing works. Tonight is just that…nothing working.
I wrote about what was bothering me, my dad long-gone and my family through him. Steps and halves. Easier to say family, even if it doesn’t feel that way 100% of the time. I’m not going to post it yet, though. I’ve learned to let it simmer and read it again the next day after some rest…figure out if I still think I should post it, or send the email, or make a call…whatever the case may be.
So, I wait…